Al is a dear friend of mine that has been a relationship mentor and friend to me over the years and helped walk me through or past 2 long term relationship break-ups. He is one of those angels that gathers souls around him. Actually female souls now come to think of it, are there even any other men on those morning rides for coffee? (Just kidding.) He is famous for lifting you up and getting you back on track or sometimes as hard as it has been...to wake you up and say "what the heck are you doing?" like you will see below. When I think of what the perfect relationship should look like I have my parents who have been married for 49 years and then there is Al and his wife. Al is a husband, father and grandfather and can relate to woman more than any man I have ever met. He gives wonderful advice on men, woman and relationships for he educates himself on how to be the best at it (yes ladies there is a man in this world that educates himself on woman). He would hate for me to tell you that he loves chick flicks, writes poems and is the one that introduced me to the CD of Serendipity, which continues to be my favorite movie. But he would also want me to tell you his nick name is Mountain man so he is a man's man too;-). So here are his comments to me from the "with every good-bye" and then the "soul mate" letters...thank you as always Al and this time for allowing me to share.
PS: what was that thing about patience again:-)? I know you keep reminding me of it:-). Plus Al...can you remember to tell me tomorrow what exactly is the universe trying to say to me by having that poem keep coming back to me...how much more learning do I have to do, I have already mastered the good bye part and the learning...although each man does get better than the last so maybe...
To my friends, Enjoy Al's words of wisdom...
D,
Life & Love: A Fine Art in Which There Are No Classes
Sometimes the "universe" speaks to you or maybe it's your friends who view things differently from a step back. The poem "With Every Goodbye" keeps coming back for a reason. I gave you a copy when you and Dave broke up. Later you asked me for a copy when you and Tony were splitting, and now you get another copy. Interesting.
As far as the soul mates concept............... I think the "sweeps you off your feet, takes your breath away and makes your knees weak" is simply the chemicals that come with infatuation and physical attraction. A serendipity moment often found in movies. While you may feel that this is all it takes for a Camelot life of love, it's only the first step of many needed for a lifetime of commitment. There are several stages of love, from the chemical/infatuation one to final mature love which is what we all want. You might make it in 4-5 years if you're 50, widowed and had it before, but for most it comes gradually over a period of years, often so slowly that you may not realize when you have arrived. It takes work and an investment of time, understanding, and introspection.
May you find the patience to let it develop.
As always, a few years older,
A
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Soul Mates
I have been blessed with e-mails from you all sending me these wonderful moments you have found to share. For those of you who do not have my e-mail address and would prefer to send me something off line it is debra@anytimefitness.com. See what you think of this one...I definately need to find me one of these:-)...
SOUL MATES
When you meet your soul mate, this person will have an instantaneous effect on you.
A soul mate is someone who makes your knees go weak and takes your breath away.
With but a single glance they lessen your burden, and but a smile, touch your heart.
You will feel a sense of total connection with this person.
They will touch you so deeply on so many levels that you will want to share your innermost secrets.
For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a God/Goddess.
Once you have met your soul mate, for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same...
One of the things which makes this encounter so unique is the sense of a profound spiritual experience.
You both feel like this is meant to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation.
When you meet your soul mate something happens and the deep yearning, the compelling energy drawing you to become physically intimate overwhelms many...
Nothing will have ever felt so right...
There's a sense of safety with this person.
You knowingly let go of your defenses as a deep empathic bond is formed.
Unlike any other relationships you may have had, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas, only truth...
There is something about the passion you share with a soul mate that goes so far beyond just the physical body.
For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe.
Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one.
Your spiritual energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summer's day.
Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your partner ends...
From within the depths of your exquisitely passionate union, your soul mate will know exactly how and where to touch you.
It will be different, more intense, and more gratifying than any lover from your past...
And more electrifying than anything you have ever imagined...
They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide.
For some people, there is the "rush".
All the love, all the lust, and all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a cage.
At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes.
You will experience a realization you have never felt before and your desire and passion will rise to new levels.
But in the end, as you lay there, as the warm after, glow begins to fade,you will realize what just happened was not merely sex.
Sex pales in comparison to what you have just experienced...
To put it simply, your soul mate will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will ever be able to match...
- Author UnknownStarts with Good-bye
I know we appear to be on the "good-bye" theme at the moment so I thought I would continue with a fabulous song that I heard from Carrie Underwood called Starts with Good-bye. The song's lyrics say it perfectly of how we should handle our good-byes. I think whether we are parents sending our child off to college, a family about to move out of town saying goodbye to those they have had in our lives for a long time, the death of a loved one or as the song speaks about, saying good-bye to someone we loved in a relationship that we can no longer stay in...She speaks of the many reasons we stay in something too long, because we know it's going to hurt. She says it beautifully that if you know going into it that it's okay to hurt, to cry, to let them go even though you love them, to break down, but then as you are feeling all these things also know that this is the best thing you can do for your life, there is another side and that it has to start by saying good bye to where you are. Here are her words...enjoy...
"...I was sitting on my doorstep, I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand, but I knew I had to do it and you wouldn't understand. So hard to see myself without him, I felt a piece of my heart break, but when you are standing at a crossroad, there's a choice you gotta make....i guess its going to have to hurt, I guess I am going to have cry,and let go of some things I love to get to the other side, guess its going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
I know there's a blue horizon somewhere up ahead just waiting for me. Getting there means leaving things behind. Sometimes lifes so bitter sweet. Guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry, and let go of some things I love to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simple sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
Time heals... the wounds that you feel...somehow right now...I guess it's gonna have to hurt, guess i'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side, guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with Good-bye.
"...I was sitting on my doorstep, I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand, but I knew I had to do it and you wouldn't understand. So hard to see myself without him, I felt a piece of my heart break, but when you are standing at a crossroad, there's a choice you gotta make....i guess its going to have to hurt, I guess I am going to have cry,and let go of some things I love to get to the other side, guess its going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
I know there's a blue horizon somewhere up ahead just waiting for me. Getting there means leaving things behind. Sometimes lifes so bitter sweet. Guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry, and let go of some things I love to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simple sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
Time heals... the wounds that you feel...somehow right now...I guess it's gonna have to hurt, guess i'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side, guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with Good-bye.
Friday, September 28, 2007
After A While
The writing below was given to us in reply to my last Blog by "a kindred spirit" (thank you so much) and I wanted to share it with you. This is very powerful, and for those of us that have said good-bye one time or another to something or someone we would maybe have liked to keep around a bit longer...this is perfect. Accepting our defeats with our head held high and eyes looking ahead...knowing that we really can endure, we are strong and we do have worth.
Enjoy...
By Veronica A Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for some one to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
Enjoy...
By Veronica A Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for some one to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Baseline Standards
"If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you’ll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve.”
~ Anthony Robbins
Baseline standards. What are those in our lives? Are they the morals we were taught as children, are they the character qualities that have developed in us over the years? Are they just some line we have in the back of our minds that we promise ourselves we will never cross? Are they in addition to those items, things we fall into like negative actions or situations that happened to us that in looking back we are surprised we allowed them to happen? Whatever they are I think I can speak for all of us when I say we we have all slipped and fallen short of our baseline standards at some point if not often in our lives.
So what happens when we say we are going to be one kind of person and find ourselves pulled for one reason or another into a direction we know is wrong for us. I wish we could say that "we had no clue we were going there" but we do, don't we? I mean there is always that little voice in the back of our heads that is whispering..."hey, you do remember this is wrong for you and not right don't you?" It isn't always a huge jump across the line, most times at least for me I have found is that it is often small movements toward the line until I am standing directly on the line and then suddenly step off onto the other side. Most times I jump quickly back but there have been a few times that once across I think...well this is not so bad, I think I might be able to hang on for a while. Then days, weeks or months later I find myself looking back thinking how far I have come off my course and make my way once again back across the line.
Some times in life we allow things to happen to us because we think we have no choice but to exist this way. For example I was married for 14 years to a man who's behavior to me was something that I would never tolerate today. However back then I was not as strong as I am today and allowed it to happen to me not once but many, many times over those 14 years. When I finally was strong enough to break the cycle and walk away, I was so angry and resentful toward him, I can remember the hatred I felt. That was until I realized one day that the reason I was so angry was not because of him, I was angry at me...for it was me that allowed him to have that behavior. He would never have been able to do those things had I not allowed it. It was me that did not have the courage to do anything about it all those years. Once I realized this and that it was me I had to forgive I was able to move past that anger and resentment. It is the prime example of "baseline standard of what I would accept" and then "slipping into a quality of life far below what I deserved".
On the flip side of that maybe there are some of us out there that are acting in a way that in years to come we will look back and see they are behaviors or a quality of life far below what we thought we would be living. I'm not speaking financially, I am speaking ethically or morally. We all fall into this I am sure at some point or another, they become the "skeletons in our closet" or the "time in our life we are not too proud of".
So how do we keep from falling into the trap of allowing others to lower us below our baseline or fall ourselves below our baseline standards? I would say that's easy but in reality it isn't. It takes both courage on the side of not allowing others to pull us down and to remain above board on our behaviors. I think if you are someone that has been pulled down before like myself you might be almost hyper sensitive to the things that would pull you down again. I know in my life my intuitions and instincts have developed to a level that now in all honesty is hurting me rather than helping me. I have become so proactive in not allowing anyone to pull me in that direction again I probably have missed some moments that never would have gone that direction in the first place.
As for how we can keep ourselves from falling into those behaviors or standards far below what we deserve? Now if we are honest with ourselves...it is about having the will power, commitment, and dedication to ourselves to stay away from those temptations or moments that pull us away from our goals for our lives. It is as brutally simple yet challenging as that.
Debra
~ Anthony Robbins
Baseline standards. What are those in our lives? Are they the morals we were taught as children, are they the character qualities that have developed in us over the years? Are they just some line we have in the back of our minds that we promise ourselves we will never cross? Are they in addition to those items, things we fall into like negative actions or situations that happened to us that in looking back we are surprised we allowed them to happen? Whatever they are I think I can speak for all of us when I say we we have all slipped and fallen short of our baseline standards at some point if not often in our lives.
So what happens when we say we are going to be one kind of person and find ourselves pulled for one reason or another into a direction we know is wrong for us. I wish we could say that "we had no clue we were going there" but we do, don't we? I mean there is always that little voice in the back of our heads that is whispering..."hey, you do remember this is wrong for you and not right don't you?" It isn't always a huge jump across the line, most times at least for me I have found is that it is often small movements toward the line until I am standing directly on the line and then suddenly step off onto the other side. Most times I jump quickly back but there have been a few times that once across I think...well this is not so bad, I think I might be able to hang on for a while. Then days, weeks or months later I find myself looking back thinking how far I have come off my course and make my way once again back across the line.
Some times in life we allow things to happen to us because we think we have no choice but to exist this way. For example I was married for 14 years to a man who's behavior to me was something that I would never tolerate today. However back then I was not as strong as I am today and allowed it to happen to me not once but many, many times over those 14 years. When I finally was strong enough to break the cycle and walk away, I was so angry and resentful toward him, I can remember the hatred I felt. That was until I realized one day that the reason I was so angry was not because of him, I was angry at me...for it was me that allowed him to have that behavior. He would never have been able to do those things had I not allowed it. It was me that did not have the courage to do anything about it all those years. Once I realized this and that it was me I had to forgive I was able to move past that anger and resentment. It is the prime example of "baseline standard of what I would accept" and then "slipping into a quality of life far below what I deserved".
On the flip side of that maybe there are some of us out there that are acting in a way that in years to come we will look back and see they are behaviors or a quality of life far below what we thought we would be living. I'm not speaking financially, I am speaking ethically or morally. We all fall into this I am sure at some point or another, they become the "skeletons in our closet" or the "time in our life we are not too proud of".
So how do we keep from falling into the trap of allowing others to lower us below our baseline or fall ourselves below our baseline standards? I would say that's easy but in reality it isn't. It takes both courage on the side of not allowing others to pull us down and to remain above board on our behaviors. I think if you are someone that has been pulled down before like myself you might be almost hyper sensitive to the things that would pull you down again. I know in my life my intuitions and instincts have developed to a level that now in all honesty is hurting me rather than helping me. I have become so proactive in not allowing anyone to pull me in that direction again I probably have missed some moments that never would have gone that direction in the first place.
As for how we can keep ourselves from falling into those behaviors or standards far below what we deserve? Now if we are honest with ourselves...it is about having the will power, commitment, and dedication to ourselves to stay away from those temptations or moments that pull us away from our goals for our lives. It is as brutally simple yet challenging as that.
Debra
Saturday, September 22, 2007
The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
If you have never read the book the "Invitation" I encourage you to give it a try...here is the introduction to her book...
Enjoy...
The Invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the moon, "YES!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Enjoy...
The Invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the moon, "YES!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
The Awakening
This is very long but worth reading through. I wish I could give credit to whomever wrote this, but I am sad to say I do not know. If I could describe my life's growth over the past 11 years this is how I would describe what I have learned along the way and am still trying to implement in my life. Enjoy...
The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving championing yourself and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed: how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with; who you should marry; and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children; or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.
And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love รณ romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 6 or a perfect 10. You stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...
and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part, in life YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time is FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometime bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving championing yourself and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.
And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed: how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with; who you should marry; and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children; or what you owe your parents.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.
And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love รณ romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.
And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 6 or a perfect 10. You stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...
and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.
You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.
And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.
And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part, in life YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time is FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.
And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometime bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.
And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dare to Love Completely
Dare to Love Completely
That phrase was found on the inside a Dove Chocolate wrapper and was hung on my refrigerator by my daughter Amanda a few weeks ago.
I look at it now as I sit here thinking about how my life got to this point where I am 46 years old, single, have an amazing life with a very positive outlook on that life, love men, yet cannot imagine what it would feel like to be brave enough to "Dare to love completely". For loving completely would mean risking what I said I would never risk again, my heart.
I can remember being in my teens imagining what my life would be like, dreaming of the man that would come and sweep me off my feet to live happily ever after...I think there was even a white horse in my dream if I recall.
But life does not always work out as we had planned and over time as the disappointments and crushing blows to my heart continued, I began to slowly build a wall around my heart. I can remember the moment that this wall that was slowly being built over time finally went up completely. "No one will ever break my heart like this again, I will survive, I will move on, and I will protect myself" and up went the wall.
How can you be an optimist in all areas of your life, encourage others to never give up and to coach them to levels they never thought existed and yet have one area of your life that is completely untouchable, uncoachable and unbreakable? Self analyzing I would have to put the reason out there as...Trust. I think if there is one thing I am guilty of is not trusting completely, therefore I cannot love completely. For love is all about trust. If I could trust someone with my heart I could then let down that wall and love them completely. But how do you learn to trust when everything in your history says "red flag" it's never worked before why this time?
Jumping in with both feet is what I do in relationships...friends use to say Debra slow down put one foot in at a time. But that is my trick, jump in with both feet while it is amazing and exciting, test the water quickly and jump back out at the first sign of trouble, less time in, less time to get hurt, quick recovery. I also have this unusual way of watching too closely things in relationships that I think most people don't realize is even happening. Most people see and hear what they want to, not what the other person is really saying and doing or for that matter what they are not saying or not doing. They will miss a comment or action because they "want" to think this person is falling in love with them. I unfortunately have trained myself to be hypersensitive to things that are not consistent as one of the ways to protect myself.
But what if things were different, what if a connection is so strong and he was running to me, pursuing me, no red flags, where would my heart be now? What if there was a man that I was connected with on both an emotional and physical level. At what point would I trust him enough to allow him close enough to break my heart? I told a friend once that the next time I would lose my heart the man would have to be totally and utterly in love with me before I could ever trust my heart to love completely again, and I still think that is still true, but how does that work? What man out there would love a woman completely that is hesitant to love him back? None that I know for it is normally the women that fall first.
I will need to find a way however to "Dare to Love Completely"...for I believe that one day I will find someone, that I have a soul mate out there, someone that is me in male form, someone with whom I will be able to put my trust and heart into their hands completely who will be running to me and love me enough and I in turn know I can love completely that person. My challenge is that to then love them completely I will have to risk getting hurt again, something I had promised on that deck almost 5 years ago that I would never allow to happen again.
In closing, as the days go by and that candy wrapper continues to hang there starring at me, almost yelling at me to "let go Debra, dare to love completely" my goal is one day to be able to say to Amanda "You can take this down now, I learned how to love completely this man standing here in front of you. I'd like to introduce you to..."
That phrase was found on the inside a Dove Chocolate wrapper and was hung on my refrigerator by my daughter Amanda a few weeks ago.
I look at it now as I sit here thinking about how my life got to this point where I am 46 years old, single, have an amazing life with a very positive outlook on that life, love men, yet cannot imagine what it would feel like to be brave enough to "Dare to love completely". For loving completely would mean risking what I said I would never risk again, my heart.
I can remember being in my teens imagining what my life would be like, dreaming of the man that would come and sweep me off my feet to live happily ever after...I think there was even a white horse in my dream if I recall.
But life does not always work out as we had planned and over time as the disappointments and crushing blows to my heart continued, I began to slowly build a wall around my heart. I can remember the moment that this wall that was slowly being built over time finally went up completely. "No one will ever break my heart like this again, I will survive, I will move on, and I will protect myself" and up went the wall.
How can you be an optimist in all areas of your life, encourage others to never give up and to coach them to levels they never thought existed and yet have one area of your life that is completely untouchable, uncoachable and unbreakable? Self analyzing I would have to put the reason out there as...Trust. I think if there is one thing I am guilty of is not trusting completely, therefore I cannot love completely. For love is all about trust. If I could trust someone with my heart I could then let down that wall and love them completely. But how do you learn to trust when everything in your history says "red flag" it's never worked before why this time?
Jumping in with both feet is what I do in relationships...friends use to say Debra slow down put one foot in at a time. But that is my trick, jump in with both feet while it is amazing and exciting, test the water quickly and jump back out at the first sign of trouble, less time in, less time to get hurt, quick recovery. I also have this unusual way of watching too closely things in relationships that I think most people don't realize is even happening. Most people see and hear what they want to, not what the other person is really saying and doing or for that matter what they are not saying or not doing. They will miss a comment or action because they "want" to think this person is falling in love with them. I unfortunately have trained myself to be hypersensitive to things that are not consistent as one of the ways to protect myself.
But what if things were different, what if a connection is so strong and he was running to me, pursuing me, no red flags, where would my heart be now? What if there was a man that I was connected with on both an emotional and physical level. At what point would I trust him enough to allow him close enough to break my heart? I told a friend once that the next time I would lose my heart the man would have to be totally and utterly in love with me before I could ever trust my heart to love completely again, and I still think that is still true, but how does that work? What man out there would love a woman completely that is hesitant to love him back? None that I know for it is normally the women that fall first.
I will need to find a way however to "Dare to Love Completely"...for I believe that one day I will find someone, that I have a soul mate out there, someone that is me in male form, someone with whom I will be able to put my trust and heart into their hands completely who will be running to me and love me enough and I in turn know I can love completely that person. My challenge is that to then love them completely I will have to risk getting hurt again, something I had promised on that deck almost 5 years ago that I would never allow to happen again.
In closing, as the days go by and that candy wrapper continues to hang there starring at me, almost yelling at me to "let go Debra, dare to love completely" my goal is one day to be able to say to Amanda "You can take this down now, I learned how to love completely this man standing here in front of you. I'd like to introduce you to..."
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Stay strong, keep moving, don't give up, don't give in, you need to survive
How many times have I said that to myself over the years...too many to count I can tell you that. So how do we get to the mindset that whatever the worry, challenge or heartache we are enduring, to not let it over power us into thinking that there is no way out or no way to survive it.
I am sure in our own way each of us has had sadness at some point that is so devastating we would rather have a physical wound for it would hurt less than this wound to the heart. For while physical wounds may leave scars, those scars do fade over time, and they do eventually heal. Emotional or wounds to the heart many times hang on for a lifetime and open randomly again and again leaving you thinking that indeed this pain will never be completely gone. Whether your personal moments have been the loss of a job, a divorce, a loved one getting cancer or to the most extreme the loss of a child. How do we heal from that? Time? Acceptance? No words can comfort, no time can erase, no explanation can be good enough to make that kind of pain go away or justify the situation at least to me.
So if we can't change these devastating moments in our lives, then the key is to know how to get through and survive those moments. How can we face those challenging wounds in life that cripple us emotionally. How do we find strength to get up each morning when you have just lost your reason for getting up. How do we find the courage when there feels like no hope in sight of ever recovering? I'd like to share a moment of some things that have helped me. While I am not someone that screams my faith in your face I want to share something that has comforted me in my life during times when I didn't think I had it in me to go it alone one more day. There is a song that a Christian artist wrote years ago that goes "when I think I'm going under part the waters Lord, and when I feel the waves around me calm the sea, and when I cry for help oh hear me Lord and hold out your hand, touch my life, still the raging storm in me, knowing you love me, helps me face another day..." I have sung this song since high school each and every time I feel that I am sinking under the pressures of life and not sure if I can go on. Singing that song for me is a message from me to God telling him that I am in pain, I can't do it alone and I need to find a way to get through it with Him. Have I always been accepting of what I am going through? No, sometimes when I have been angry at God for allowing a particular hardship when I would see others going their merry way who didn't even believe in a God my song would be more of "okay God you have me sinking here so what is the plan to save me cause I'm not a good swimmer to begin with". It comforts me to know that while I do not understand why God puts challenging things or devastating moments into the lives of good people he is there to help us through it. He also speaks about never giving us anything we cannot handle and while there are some times I have looked up to heaven and shouted..."really God, You think I am strong enough to handle this, can not someone else take a turn?" I know that I will make it through for if he has given me this hardship and believes in my strength to get through it, I may not like it, but there is a reason for it, now I just need to get through those "parted waters".
I have found that one breath, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one year, until it's a lifetime...that is how we must live our lives during times of pain or when feeling we cannot go on. It is okay to be angry and even to be angry with God. It's okay to have thoughts that you are not sure as you lay down at night how you are going to make it through another day or even if you want to make it through another day because the pain seems too great to bare. That being said, my reason for writing this is to encourage you that no matter what level of challenges or pain you are going through...one thing I know for sure and I'd like you to remember is that while you may go to bed and not be sure if you can go another day...when your eyes open in the morning and there is breath left in your body...while you may not understand it now, there is a reason you are to carry on, a reason you are still here...someone out there needs you to survive for them, to get strong again, to keep moving, to not give up, and to not give in. It's in you, you just have to know when you are ready to find it...
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes on Courage: "Courage is not always the loud roar, sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says..."I will try again tomorrow".
Dedicated to a young couple who's son died in his sleep last week. My prayers are with them.
Debra
I am sure in our own way each of us has had sadness at some point that is so devastating we would rather have a physical wound for it would hurt less than this wound to the heart. For while physical wounds may leave scars, those scars do fade over time, and they do eventually heal. Emotional or wounds to the heart many times hang on for a lifetime and open randomly again and again leaving you thinking that indeed this pain will never be completely gone. Whether your personal moments have been the loss of a job, a divorce, a loved one getting cancer or to the most extreme the loss of a child. How do we heal from that? Time? Acceptance? No words can comfort, no time can erase, no explanation can be good enough to make that kind of pain go away or justify the situation at least to me.
So if we can't change these devastating moments in our lives, then the key is to know how to get through and survive those moments. How can we face those challenging wounds in life that cripple us emotionally. How do we find strength to get up each morning when you have just lost your reason for getting up. How do we find the courage when there feels like no hope in sight of ever recovering? I'd like to share a moment of some things that have helped me. While I am not someone that screams my faith in your face I want to share something that has comforted me in my life during times when I didn't think I had it in me to go it alone one more day. There is a song that a Christian artist wrote years ago that goes "when I think I'm going under part the waters Lord, and when I feel the waves around me calm the sea, and when I cry for help oh hear me Lord and hold out your hand, touch my life, still the raging storm in me, knowing you love me, helps me face another day..." I have sung this song since high school each and every time I feel that I am sinking under the pressures of life and not sure if I can go on. Singing that song for me is a message from me to God telling him that I am in pain, I can't do it alone and I need to find a way to get through it with Him. Have I always been accepting of what I am going through? No, sometimes when I have been angry at God for allowing a particular hardship when I would see others going their merry way who didn't even believe in a God my song would be more of "okay God you have me sinking here so what is the plan to save me cause I'm not a good swimmer to begin with". It comforts me to know that while I do not understand why God puts challenging things or devastating moments into the lives of good people he is there to help us through it. He also speaks about never giving us anything we cannot handle and while there are some times I have looked up to heaven and shouted..."really God, You think I am strong enough to handle this, can not someone else take a turn?" I know that I will make it through for if he has given me this hardship and believes in my strength to get through it, I may not like it, but there is a reason for it, now I just need to get through those "parted waters".
I have found that one breath, one minute, one hour, one day, one week, one year, until it's a lifetime...that is how we must live our lives during times of pain or when feeling we cannot go on. It is okay to be angry and even to be angry with God. It's okay to have thoughts that you are not sure as you lay down at night how you are going to make it through another day or even if you want to make it through another day because the pain seems too great to bare. That being said, my reason for writing this is to encourage you that no matter what level of challenges or pain you are going through...one thing I know for sure and I'd like you to remember is that while you may go to bed and not be sure if you can go another day...when your eyes open in the morning and there is breath left in your body...while you may not understand it now, there is a reason you are to carry on, a reason you are still here...someone out there needs you to survive for them, to get strong again, to keep moving, to not give up, and to not give in. It's in you, you just have to know when you are ready to find it...
I leave you with one of my favorite quotes on Courage: "Courage is not always the loud roar, sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says..."I will try again tomorrow".
Dedicated to a young couple who's son died in his sleep last week. My prayers are with them.
Debra
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Dedicated to all women over 40...
Okay all you ladies out there over 40...I normally don't meddle in the minds of men and why they do what they do in reference to preference. However a recent "Rooney Moment" has come to my attention found in the archives of Andy Rooney's messages from 60 minutes. I thought it would be fun for those of you ladies out there that watch every day men our age opting for the younger woman. Finally we have someone who defends us.
Enjoy...
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)
This is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
"As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"
Thank you Andy...gotta love the man that defends the woman over 40. I am not sure about the pig and sausage comment though that was a bit brutal don't you think? You aren't reading this are you mom:-)?
So my dear ladies there is hope for all of us, for where there is one there are others who think this I am sure. I know they are rare but we will find them. The key is to not lose heart!
Enjoy...
60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)
This is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
"As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!"
Thank you Andy...gotta love the man that defends the woman over 40. I am not sure about the pig and sausage comment though that was a bit brutal don't you think? You aren't reading this are you mom:-)?
So my dear ladies there is hope for all of us, for where there is one there are others who think this I am sure. I know they are rare but we will find them. The key is to not lose heart!
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Don't Blink
Have you ever said in your life..."I will never..." and now looking back to realize had you stuck to that promise your life would not be what it is today? One of my most emphatic "I will never's" has turned into the most amazing life experience I will ever have. My "I will never..." was that I was never going to have children. Never liked to babysit, never held a baby until I was 22, never changed but one diaper until the age of 25. Little did I know that on August 11, 1986 this tiny little girl named Amanda Faith that I had just delivered would change my life. The minute they put her in my arms I knew for the first time what unconditional love was and over the years she is the one person I know loves me unconditionally back (other than my parents). Because of having her, being a mom is my favorite thing to be and one of the things I can actually say I excel at. Because of her in my life I have made better choices because I never wanted to disappoint her. Because of her I was stronger when I wanted to be weak, I kept going when I wanted to give in. I knew that my most important roll in life as a single mom was raising this girl and getting her and myself safely to her adulthood. I can remember one race when they were bumping my handle bars and I almost crashed thinking, okay this is something that is going to have to wait until Amanda is older for I cannot be killed right now:-). Over the years she taught me so much and I believe created much of who I have become today. We have always had a connection that I feel comes around maybe once in your life. I wish all parents could have this with their children, actually to even broaden that I should say I wish everyone could feel this connection with just one person. She touches my soul with her energy even as a small girl she would see inside me...when no one else could see a tiny sadness in my eyes somehow she knew and would just come and sit beside me. Some of the wisdom that has come out of her mouth I know came directly from God to me at the exact time I needed it. I have loved watching her go through all the different stages of childhood and grow into a young woman verses a child all the while sticking to my goal of getting her and myself safely to her adulthood. Because I was so focused on that I never really had time to think about an "after that". Yes you see other people's children go off to college, or marry, but not yours, that day is too far away...well guess what...Today I blinked and when my eyes opened I was at the airport dropping her off now 21 years old to study abroad for a year in Spain. Today was my hardest day in life so far for I realize she is no longer my baby, my child to raise but instead a woman that has surpassed me in so many ways that she has become my inspiration. So as I sit here with tears of sadness running down my face because I already miss her energy and presence and I am trying to turn those tears into joy for her new life she is about to embark on... I wanted to say to all of you out there that are too busy to be a parent today thinking you will be with them tomorrow, or the next day or the next week...don't blink...for when you open your eyes they will be already gone...it happens that fast and they are off on a journey without you. My dearest most amazing Amanda, thank you for the life you have given to me in an area that I never thought I would be interested in pursuing all those years ago.
Monday, September 3, 2007
How does your life mirror your life on the bike?
Analogies are often the most understood language when looking at or getting your point across the quickest...so when I ask "How does your life mirror your life on the bike?" you will see what I mean. We can begin by looking at what bike you chose to ride in life. There are those who own your leisure "get me to the grocery store, ride around the block" bikes. Their focus is on nothing more than getting them to their next destination practically and safely. Then there are those who own the higher performance bikes who whether riding technical mountain trails or sprinting down a straight-a-way on the road are looking for that next adventure that next challenge. Their bike in life is used to make sure that life is always pushing them forward, taking their talents to the extreme, they would prefer to the risk of injury if it meant overcoming that next challenge. How like life, those who want to "just make it through" and those who want to experience all of life whether that means they get "injured" in the process. Next we take a look at what you enjoy about riding the most. There are the riders that are amazing sprinters. They come into a relationship fast and furious but often times while amazing they are like that bike sprint only in it for that short time and then off recovering for the next moment. There are the endurance riders who can go for an eternity on the bike but at a constant rate making sure to conserve their energy for the long haul. They come into a relationship more cautious, looking for something long term and willing to sacrifices maybe the "intensity" of that relationship if they know it will take them through long term. Hill climbers...love the challenges of making it through what others often hate to attempt, they see the hill and gain strength by attacking it head on while most would prefer to find a way around the hill or shift into something light that will allow them to eventually get to the top without getting off their bike. We have those riders that fly down the hills with no breaks willing to go fast in spite of their fear or risks of getting hurt. Then we have those that need to keep that break on and ease their way down for they cannot let go of that fear of falling. How about life and the different races we choose? Crits. can be thought of as our lives in constant repeat, some continue to make the same mistakes or choices even though they have been already around once to know the course. While some learn and improve each time because they have paid attention to each straight a way and each turn. How about we move onto how you ride with fellow team mates or friends. Are you willing to be that support and throw someone into the limelight all the while knowing you could have nailed that race. Are you willing to slow your pace down and make what was suppose to be a training ride into a recovery for someone less talented than yourself? For that matter, can you completely stay off the bike for a weekend, month or maybe lifetime if someone in your life needed that to be a sacrifice for them. We also could ask the question in life...why do you ride at all? Is it for the love of it, where every time you get on the bike you feel like you are home? Is it for the competition where without the ability to win and compete it would hold no interest and you would be onto that next thing. Or is it for both, where you know it is something you can enjoy forever, knowing at different points of your life there will be the need to compete and then there will be years where the only reason you ride is to just enjoy the fact that you are doing something you love. My final thought to you as it relates to the bike is...when was the last time you impacted another rider to inspire, motivate, lead and yes sometimes allow them to take the lead in your life. We often on the bike as well as in life feel that if we are not leading we are not in control, I am not speaking about recovering in the draft, I am speaking about always being in control...some of my most impactful moments in life even though I am a control freak like the rest...is when I have allowed someone else to be stronger, take control and guide me through that next moment. Enjoy the ride, all aspects all experiences and remember...just as a small adjustment in gears can create a different experience or performance...so can a moment so small that passes through your life...don't miss it because you are focused on the end result of the ride.