Don't Blink

Have you ever said in your life..."I will never..." and now looking back to realize had you stuck to that promise your life would not be what it is today? One of my most emphatic "I will never's" has turned into the most amazing life experience I will ever have. My "I will never..." was that I was never going to have children. Never liked to babysit, never held a baby until I was 22, never changed but one diaper until the age of 25. Little did I know that on August 11, 1986 this tiny little girl named Amanda Faith that I had just delivered would change my life. The minute they put her in my arms I knew for the first time what unconditional love was and over the years she is the one person I know loves me unconditionally back (other than my parents). Because of having her, being a mom is my favorite thing to be and one of the things I can actually say I excel at. Because of her in my life I have made better choices because I never wanted to disappoint her. Because of her I was stronger when I wanted to be weak, I kept going when I wanted to give in. I knew that my most important roll in life as a single mom was raising this girl and getting her and myself safely to her adulthood. I can remember one race when they were bumping my handle bars and I almost crashed thinking, okay this is something that is going to have to wait until Amanda is older for I cannot be killed right now:-). Over the years she taught me so much and I believe created much of who I have become today. We have always had a connection that I feel comes around maybe once in your life. I wish all parents could have this with their children, actually to even broaden that I should say I wish everyone could feel this connection with just one person. She touches my soul with her energy even as a small girl she would see inside me...when no one else could see a tiny sadness in my eyes somehow she knew and would just come and sit beside me. Some of the wisdom that has come out of her mouth I know came directly from God to me at the exact time I needed it. I have loved watching her go through all the different stages of childhood and grow into a young woman verses a child all the while sticking to my goal of getting her and myself safely to her adulthood. Because I was so focused on that I never really had time to think about an "after that". Yes you see other people's children go off to college, or marry, but not yours, that day is too far away...well guess what...Today I blinked and when my eyes opened I was at the airport dropping her off now 21 years old to study abroad for a year in Spain. Today was my hardest day in life so far for I realize she is no longer my baby, my child to raise but instead a woman that has surpassed me in so many ways that she has become my inspiration. So as I sit here with tears of sadness running down my face because I already miss her energy and presence and I am trying to turn those tears into joy for her new life she is about to embark on... I wanted to say to all of you out there that are too busy to be a parent today thinking you will be with them tomorrow, or the next day or the next week...don't blink...for when you open your eyes they will be already gone...it happens that fast and they are off on a journey without you. My dearest most amazing Amanda, thank you for the life you have given to me in an area that I never thought I would be interested in pursuing all those years ago.