He wasn't riding a white horse, he was driving a Buick

"He wasn't riding a white horse, he was driving a Buick" is named because of how I dreamed this person would come into my life and the perfect relationship would be verses how mine really showed up and the relationship actually progressed. 

As it turns out my Prince and I did not lock eyes across the room and fall deeply in love and live happily ever after, we were set up on a blind date (he drove a Buick, which at the time I thought was a minivan, turns out it was an Escalade, but regardless was not a white horse) and neither of us early on were thinking it would amount to much. (how is that for a great start to a love story) It was the opposite of a fairyland start and frankly should have ended many times along the way but i am here to ruin the ending and share that while the start was rocking, the middle was bumpy, there is a Happily Ever After. 

Here is our story. 

Our first date was in a parking garage (too long of a story to go into) our kiss happened on that first date. I was waiting for him in the parking garage where he walked up, said "hello”, leaned in, and kissed me on the lips. (Wait, what the heck, was that our first kiss, that was not romantic.) The date went okay enough for us to make another one for later that week. (he wants to see me again this week, check box) Side note: over the years I had created a check list with boxes of things I wanted in a man, that I would check off as I went.  The next date we went dancing. We fit well together as we danced. (he dances - check box). Later as we were dancing at one point it was slippery, i lost my balance, but instead of tripping/falling, these strong arms picked my feet off the ground and briefly carried me along, keeping me safe until i regained my balance. (okay, I thought this is something new, feeling safe - check box on “feel safe”). He then invited me away for the weekend to his favorite small town up north, promising separate rooms. (I agreed but had my daughter and girlfriends on speed dial). Side note: I should add to this story that I grew up in a Church environment and he grew up over a bar. He liked dive bars, Beer and Burgers, I liked Wine, Sushi and Bars that I could dance Salsa in. While the weekend was filled with dive bars and I was completely out of my comfort zone and should have run, he lived up to his promise of separate rooms. We danced, had an amazing time and I felt very safe and respected. (does what he says he is going to do - check box, so far so good) This sounds like a promising start, right?

So, you don’t get to carried away on the promising start, I should share that on the first date he mentioned he would be leaving in a month to go "write a book and find himself" in Mexico for 4 months. He said he was retiring in 3 years at which time he would then become a snowbird, so if I was not okay with any of that I should let him know right then, otherwise he would like to continue to date me. Ladies you all know in my head what I am thinking right? I am thinking that the Mexico thing is a month away and if all goes well he will fall in love with me and won't want to go to Mexico because he for sure will not want to be away from me. I was also covering my bases if all did not go well and he did go to Mexico, thinking what do I care if he is a snowbird in 3 years, that is a world away and I won't be dating him anyway. 

Let’s continue. The month is now ending, we have not said we are in a relationship, or anywhere near being in love, but we have been together pretty much every day of that month and I am thinking we are building a strong connection. (my walls have been coming down, boxes continuing to get checked off) As we are driving back from another trip up north, he shares with me he will be leaving in a week and will miss me. What? He is still going? (all walls back up to protect myself, thinking of throwing away the check list and moving on) This is where the story normally would have ended.

However, unlike my normal “flight” when a man looks as if he is not running toward me for some reason I didn't fly. Over the next four months we stayed in communication long distance. I found he was a great communicator and we communicated every day. (great communicator - cautiously check another box) He comes home once a month and we hang out during the time he is home and have fantastic time. We are still not in an exclusive relationship, have not shared we love each other but I figure let's wait to see what happens when he gets home, for now I am enjoying the moments we are having.

The four months end, he is home, we continue dating for another 4 months, still not saying we are exclusive or in love. However, we are pretty much seeing each other every day and having a great time, he treats me amazing, makes me laugh and is effortless to be, so it feels as if we are on the same page (have checked many more of my "boxes" and have walls coming down again and I know I am falling for him.) One day he shares he needs to go back down to Mexico for a week.  I decided after 9 months it's time to ask what our relationship is and ask if he intends to see other women while he is down there. I am fully expecting him to say “of course not”. He shares that he can't say he won't and not ready for someone to tell him he can't. (darn it, not what I was expecting. Walls go up, I am going to have to end it). Sadly, I share that I am falling in love with him and if he is still not sure he wants to date only me, then we need to end this, as I am looking for a relationship that is going somewhere. We part ways and I think (like all the other times in my life) at this point, I am going to have to start over. 

He calls me from Mexico a few days later, asking if he can see me the day he gets back. When he returns he shared that he didn't see anyone and had no intention of it, just didn't like getting called out on it. Shared that he is sure that he wants to see only me and that he is also falling in love with me. (here is where the sky in the movies light up with fireworks and they walk into the sunset)

Fast forward 3 years to today. While ours is just the beginning of our love story and continues to get better every day, I want to share that this truly is the relationship I have always dreamed of and that I knew was out there for me. We are happily married for 2 years and while no relationship is perfect, I think we have as perfect as one can get. (PS: if you are wondering what happened to the checked boxes, the only box that did not get checked was the one that said, "he would find me and know right away", and I am okay with that.)

In closing, one of the things I love about Tom is he is understated, while he didn't show up on the white horse, or fall for me right away, he treated me better than those in the past who had professed their love for me. He was always honest with me even though the news was hard to hear, this way I could make the decisions I needed to for me (vs finding out after the fact or being lied to). Even though in the early months he was not committed to me and we were apart, he communicated to me better than someone I was physically with every day. He didn’t over promise but in the end delivered when his timing was right.

So, if you are out there single, never settle or let your standards down because they came in on a white horse and saved “that day”. Look for a man who may come in under the radar who has the qualities you are looking for and starts saving many days. Never believe this is as good as it will get until you have everything you need. The right person will be worth fighting for and will not let you go. How do you know when you have it? When you can honestly say to yourself…this person is everything I needed and more.

Moral of the story…it’s not about the flashy entrance, it’s about the moments after and how they show up to them.