What I have learned and loved as a mother...

So this is it, the final year to have both my baby girls home. It is hard to believe that in June Sammi will graduate and be going to college, Amanda will go back to Spain and i will be here officially on my own, by myself, alone, single, an empty Nestor as they say with no body to come home to except my cat Cooper, which I think will make me an old maid.

No one to pick up after, run errands for, watch play soccer, check in on while they are sleeping, cure when they are sick, worry over when they are out late or bring coffee to in the morning to wake them up.

So what have I learned and loved over the years? I learned that while challenging, I loved the rat race, the too much on my plate, the sleepless nights when i wasn't sure how we were going to make it, the scary moments they were sick or would get hurt, the priceless moments the three of us had together laughing until we cried! I loved watching them grow up and enjoyed every stage they went through still can't believe they are grown. In the early years we were the three musketeers, in the middle years we were the three woman of strength and now these final years we are just simply "the girls".

The first thing I learned is...I got lucky with them, because they are the most amazing, independent, strong, beautiful inside and out woman that I know. I also am humbled and proud to tell you that while we as parents are to be the teachers, these ladies in reality over the year were my teachers and I grew up under their direction.

I learned your children can keep you safe and make you a better person. Because they depended on me as their mom, I had guidelines and boundaries for myself I might not otherwise have had if not for them in my life. I was braver because they were watching me and stronger because they depended on me and clearer thinking because the moment called for no other option. They taught me to be resourceful and be both parents in the house, because you can't delegate a harder chore to someone stronger and there was no one to pass off a question to, you are all there is. We learned together that a perfect family can be just the three of us and we were stronger alone than with someone to take care of us. I learned what I felt were some of my most challenging moments supporting them back then have now become some of our favorite memories, so money does not buy happiness, your moments with them do.

I learned that being a mom you don't always have to be perfect, or strong or beautiful or healthy sometimes it's okay to let your girls be there for you. I learned you can mess up sometimes as a mom but it's important to say you are sorry and ask them to forgive you and they will respect you for it. I learned sometimes we need to rethink our opinion as parents when a child provides a sound argument as to why they should have it their way because sometimes they are right.

I rewarded good grades, committed to sports and good friends with both girls having what I called "the world" as their boundaries but let them know if they messed up even once they would have the boundaries drawn in so small it would encompass the circle my thumb and pointer finger would make when touching. Neither girl ever needed the tighter boundaries and I learned it pays to repay a child's effort with freedoms.

I learned as a mother that most parents say "no" too fast just because it is the easier path. In saying YES to simple requests that I wanted to say no too but really couldn't find a good enough reason to...that while it may be more work, more running around, more effort or sleepless nights...they respect you for understanding them and going out of your way (they know when you just "don't feel like it").

I think the most important thing I learned is to respect my girls and always try to assume the best in them...to trust them completely and leave the doubts until they proved to be real. Both girls lived up to my expectations of them.

In closing, I learned that no matter how old they get they will always be your priority, that you will always worry and that their joy doubles your joy and their sadness hurts you more than them. I learned that you can be so proud of them that your heart feels as if it will explode out of your body.

To Amanda and Sammi...my babys, my young ladies. My life. Thank you for making this part of my journey more enjoyable than I could have ever imagined.

2 sides of the forest

“You can only go halfway into the darkest forest, then you are coming out the other side.” – Chinese Proverb

I just referenced this quote with a friend and thought i would share it with the rest of you.

In our lives i think each of us has gone through periods where no matter what we do or how hard we try life situations feel as if they keep getting worse instead of better. Suddenly we find ourselves at a point where we feel we can't go any lower and the burden seems to much.

This my friends is us going halfway into the forest and reaching the center point. The center or darkest part of the forest represents the darkest point of our lives. My goal today is to have us focusing not on the darkest part, but on the way out of this forest. Remembering that once we have reached the middle or darkest part of the forest if we proceed correctly we will begin coming out the other side.

The reason i say proceed correctly is that because many people at the point where they reach the darkest deepest part of the forest they give up, they stop - unable to move forward or backward because it feels hopeless. They become lost and exist in self pitty or depression of "my life use to be", "my wealth use to be", "my career use to be", "i can't he/she left me","i can't believe this happened to me".

I am not saying it is easy to trust that even when we think we are at our lowest point we have fully reached the darkest part. But what i do know is if we want to survive and eventually see the other side of the forest and come out the other side we have no choice but to keep moving to find out. I am also not saying as we proceed past the center and out the other side there will not be some moments we find ourselves lost or circled back, closer to the darkest part of the forest again. What i am saying is that if we don't keep moving the darkness will eventually become so comfortable that we will lose ambition, motivation, and inspiration to ever make it out again.
So in summary, while much of the time our lives are spent on the outer rim of the forest we need to remember that if per chance our lives do take us through it...there are two sides...and one is a way out.
Have a great rest of your week. Debra

The hundred and first blow...

In dealing with personal or business pursuits many times we give up after one or two attempts because we feel we have done our job in “trying”. We may even feel that it is just not meant to be, there is no way to get through or accomplish the task that at first glance appeared to be attainable.

I love this quote below because it speaks about perseverance during situations where the first hundred attempts may look like we have failed or made no progress. This task of continuing to push is not easy I can tell you that from personal experience in following this example below and there are times even the strongest of minds/souls feel like giving up. It is that voice in your head at the end of the day that says…”I am not sure how much longer I can do this maybe I should just give up” and then waking up in the morning knowing you have no choice but to do it again for one more day.

This mindset is not for every situation or we literally might go crazy, so in order to know when to put this into play ask yourself…”how passionate am I about this?” “how bad do I want this”? If the answer is “very passionate” and “something I must accomplish or have”…then don’t stop! As a friend of mine will tell you when he went after a job…it may take a voice mail and e-mail every week for three months being blown off each time before you wear them down enough to get the interview! Enjoy.
"When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it - but all that had gone before."
-- Jacob Riis, Photographer and Journalist