"Golfing looks like a relaxing sport" - I said to myself

"Golfing looks like a relaxing sport" - I said to myself  

As I viewed golfing from afar, I would see people riding carts, smiling, and carrying on conversations as they played. Even those walking with their clubs on their back seemed easy going as they strolled along at a nice pace, chatting with each other. They always looked so relaxed. 

I decided to try this relaxed looking sport. Here is a bit about that experience. 

I stood on the T-box in my golf outfit, holding the biggest club in my bag, anxious to smack that ball and watch it fly (as I saw the woman before me just do effortlessly).  I put my cute little martini tee in the ground, clean white ball on the tee. Okay ready to hit, what do I need to do? As the instructions started flying, I could feel the relaxation I had anticipated, leaving my body. 

Hold the club this way in my hands (why is it don't I have a glove on both hands?) don't grip too tight, keep my wrists straight to keep from flopping, my head from looking up and my eyes on the ball the entire time (Can I hit now?). Not yet, place my feet shoulder width apart, and for this shot, the ball should be off the inside of my front heel (wait, what? just for this shot?). My knees slightly bent, extend my arms and place the club directly behind the ball (shoot I just bumped the ball off the tee, bend over, put it back on the tee, reset my set-up). Make sure my club face is square, not closed, not open. (how does one square their club face?) Take a full swing, but remember to drag the club back slowly, using my power as I come back through (shoot my grip is starting to get tighter as I anticipate that power, remember relax my grip). One last thing, make sure I keep my body balanced and moving forward through the swing, so as to not fall back. (Q: Did the woman I just watched, do all of these things in those few seconds before she hit the ball?)  

This was only the my first shot off of the first hole, out of 18, I was the opposite of relaxed at this point. As I made my way through each hole, I quickly learned that each club had it's own purpose and forgetting even one of the several dozen things in the set up for that club, ended in the ball going too short, too long, skipping along the ground vs going in the air, out of bounds or in the water. By hole 13, I was almost out of balls and both physically and mentally exhausted! PS: who made the rule you can only use your Tee when teeing off? 

Forget the thought of ever walking and carrying that bag, I was barely hanging on riding in the cart! By hole 18, I had gotten in and out of the cart, set up to swing the club, then actually hit the ball, 100+ times. That effort does not include the practice swings I took before those shots (note, do not waist your good swings on practicing, just hit the darn ball), my whiffs, or something called a mulligan that I was given when I messed up really bad. As getting the ball to the green is not hard enough, let's not even talk about digging that ball out of a sand trap, only to have it roll right back down to my feet after I hit it. Relaxing is not the word I was using any longer. Lesson learned. 

Fast forward to today: While I will always have to think about some part of my set up, as I have gotten better the game has become more relaxing. Now I take less swings as my score improves. I have found exhilaration in that one rare shot I hit that the minute it comes off my club, I know I hit it perfect and I feel like a real golfer. As I have gotten better, I have found more of those moments. I also use little tricks to overcome some of the stressful moments. For example, some days one of my clubs may be so worthless at hitting the ball, I put in my bag and do not let it back out for several holes, until it decides to behave. Some days my ball refuses to go where I want it to go, so I switch to another brand of ball that is willing to go in the direction I aim. Unfortunately I only have one putter, that I cannot banish to my bag, as it is needed every hole. For me they have named the club perfectly for it's ability to putter my ball around the entire hole but never in it.  

Golfing looks like a relaxing sport - said no one ever!

Regardless of the risks

As I hear and read all the conflicting political views on gun control and building a wall, I can't help but reflect on the recent events of my family, where my daughter's husband, Antonio crossed the boarder illegally in his youth for a better life. As of March 1st, he has completed the long and costly process of becoming a legal resident, so I feel comfortable to share a bit about the other side of these moments we talk about and the reality we need to face.

I wonder, would a wall have kept Antonio out or would he have found another way? Regardless of the obstacles I have always had the opinion that whether for good intent or bad, those who want something bad enough will make it happen. Yes, will it deter the faint of heart, for sure. However, those are not the ones that impact the world for the good or the bad, it is the ones who will fight with everything they have to find a way. Those will be the ones who continue to create good or cause harm just as they have for hundreds of years.

Having never been in Antonio's shoes back then, I can only share what I know of him now. I am not surprised  that in all other situations he has obeyed the law, that he had the willingness to risk his life to cross the desert for days with nothing more than the contents he could fit in a backpack to start a new life. He has a determination about him of someone that has known what it's like to have had to fight for everything you have and to risk everything.  To do things in spite of his fears. Yet he is humble, gentle, kind, committed to those he loves and would do anything for you if you needed help. While yes, he crossed illegally, he is not someone who has caused harm. Once he arrived, he played by the rules. He got a driver's license legally in a state that does not require SSN, had insurance on both his car and his painting business, which he started with a tax ID and paid taxes each year as an illegal resident (yes they do accept taxes from illegal immigrants).
 
He married my daughter 4 years ago and they now have a 3 1/2 year old and 6 month old. This perfect little family where he is a wonderful father and an amazing husband to my daughter is the result of a man crossing over illegally because he could not afford the cost of the process to come legally. His willingness to cross regardless of the risks not only made his dreams happen, but now my daughters as well. Right or wrong that is a great story of someone who crosses.

These are not the stories anyone speaks of because it is easier to push our political views by sharing all the harm that has come to us from the few (but very publicized) who have used crossing the boarder or purchased weapons in order to harm others.

The reality is as I mentioned above that Regardless of the risks, roadblocks, rules, walls, people will find a way if they want it bad enough, no matter what we try to put in place to prevent it. Building walls and stronger gun control will yes deter the faint of heart, they will not deter the committed, the ones who are willing to take the risk to make it happen, whether that be for a better way of life like Antonio who is a good person and has hurt no one or someone who is driven by hate and intents to harm/kill others like the ones who are so well publicized. That is what we need to consider when creating better immigration and gun laws.

In closing I would like to share an analogy and make it more personal and hopefully open your eyes to realize that we all take risks regardless of right or wrong...texting while driving, speeding, and drunk driving are all also illegal in this country and done regardless of the risks or laws against it. These acts do more harm in America to our own country men/women/children every day than those who do harm by crossing a boarder or purchasing a gun. Yet Regardless of the risks and knowing it's illegal, it's done by good people everyday in our country, and yes, by the very same people who judge men like Antonio who has never put any life at risk other than his own.

Something to think about. 

debra

Fear he is a Liar

Zach Williams sings,  Fear he is a Liar. As I listened to the lyrics I thought how true these words are that he shares (lyrics below). At first I thought he was singing about a man to a woman/woman to a man, what a wonderful play on words. Fears can have us doubting ourselves, our relationships and our faith. Fear causes us to become defensive, shut down, or lash out at someone we love. Fear keeps us in the past instead of moving forward. It closes our ears and shuts our eyes to the truth of who we really are or have the potential to be. Fear is that voice inside us that whispers to us the impossibilities, the dangers, the challenges, the reasons of why we can't, we shouldn't, or we aren't able to.

If we lived as if fear was a liar and believed we were good enough, strong enough, that people love us just as we are, how would that change how we live our lives? If fear were a liar, would we take more chances, be braver, less critical of ourselves? Our faith says to trust Him in all things, yet so often we are held captive by the liar. Fear is liar, cast your fears in the fire. 

when he told you you're not good enough

when he told you you're not right

when he told you you're not strong enough to put up a good fight

when he told you your not worthy, when he told you your not loved

when he told you your not beautiful, you'll never be enough

fear he is a liar

he will take your breath, stop you in your steps, 

fear he is a liar

he will rob your rest, steal your happiness

cast your fear, in the fire, cause fear he is a liar 

when he told you you were troubled, you will forever be alone, 

when he told you you should run away, you'll never find a home, 

when he told you you are dirty, you should be ashamed. 

when he told you you could be the one that grace could never change

fear he is a liar

he will take your breath, stop you in your steps, 

fear he is a liar

he will rob your rest, steal your happiness

cast your fear in the fire, cause fear he is a liar 

let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears

let Your fire fall your love is all i feel 

let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears

let Your fire fall you love is all i feel

love, debra

Would you rather...

Would you rather...have quality time with someone or a quantity of time?

I am asking the question because I have found too many people are focused on the wrong thing when it comes to relationships. Specifically when it comes to quantity of time spent with someone verses quality time spent with them. Having found my plus one late in life maybe I have a different view on what a great relationship focuses on because we make every moment count even though they are fewer. This can relate to you whether you are a partner, parent or friend.

Does being with someone 24/7 mean you have a strong relationship? Does not being with them for long periods of time mean you have a weak relationship? I would like to think that it is more about the quality of time you spend with the amount of time you have with each other that would be the priority. However if not, then I would choose to spend quality time over quantity, every time.

For example, would you rather have a small piece of your favorite dessert in the world, or a whole piece of one you like less? Most of us would say, if I can't have a whole piece of my favorite dessert I will settle for a smaller piece rather than a whole of one I like less. The same with relationships. In secure relationships people would choose to have less moments of quality time together over more moments of mediocre time.

Also does less time together promote the urgency for quality time because you know your time is limited? Does having more time together promote less quality time because you procrastinate on making quality time? Not always is this the case in either situation, but more often than not is my thought.

So whether you are with that partner, friend or child make your moments count. My parents would see my children maybe twice a year but the relationship they have with them is as close as some who got to see them everyday.

Don't focus on the time you don't have with them, rather make the moments you do have with them count. It is the quality moments they will remember and that will bring you closer and keep you close.

Persistence - it's not always about holding on

“The most essential factor is persistence – the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitable come. – James Whitcomb Riley

I love this quote but wanted to share with you my thoughts as someone who went out into the world blindly believing life to be one thing and realizing along the way that while it was nothing I expected, it became everything I needed…including a great adventure. (disclaimer: if you don’t allow an unexpected life to dampen your spirit)

The reality is that life, other people and even you yourself will at some point not live up to your expectations. So understanding that it is how we handle ourselves when things don’t go as planned or well that we show to the world and more importantly ourselves who and what we are made of. Here is something I have discovered over time that might help you understand what I mean.

The word Persistence or perseverance is often used by people to mean you need to be strong enough to hold on no matter what! To me true persistence means not only knowing when you need to be strong enough to hold on and keep fighting for that thing, persistence means also knowing that sometimes in life’s journey we need to be strong enough to know when to let go. To let go in order to remain persistent in our commitment to our faith, our self worth, our values, our character, our goals, our dreams for happiness, and the quality of life we deserve.

I can’t say if we follow that plan tears won’t fall, your heart won’t be broken, that life will be easy, and the answers always clear. I can tell you it is from these life moments that are the most challenging and uncertain that you will look back on and know they were the moments that were even more impactful than the great ones. These are the moments along the way that will shape your life, make you stronger, wiser, and eventually into the woman you were meant to be.

So as you embark on this next phase of your life never lose your energy or enthusiasm nor allow anyone to take them away from you. Remain determined in your persistence for the things that are important to you as well as for you. 

- written today for my niece Sarah who is graduating high school this year.  

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself.

"Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be, will end up good; what is not, won't. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can't be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don't, you must just move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don't lose something real. Always fight, until you can't anymore, and then be fought for."

Wow I wish I could give credit to who ever wrote that. This is something I need to staple to my soul! How is it when we are in the middle of the relationship we never see these incites? I know I have hung on too long, been the only one fighting, and the one hoping futility they would fight for me when when i finally gave up.  I also know now looking back at those relationships i can see why they were not meant to be for a variety of reasons. The question i have is, how do you know when you have fought long enough or hard enough? for me i always think saying this one more thing will have that light bulb turning on in their head or heart and they will suddenly see our potential for greatness together or finally see me as this person they cannot live without. funny now even as i write this i can laugh at myself and say..what was i thinking? And there is the answer...I wasn't thinking, i was feeling, blind to the fact that had it been "good" i would not have been the only one fighting to make it work.

How much easier would it be to move on if we could adopt sooner in the relationship the attitude of  "what was meant to be, will end up good; what is not, won't". I mean some of us out there stay even when the relationship becomes verbally or physically abusive and that is surely a "won't end up good" situation. Is there a way to separate our thinking heart from our feeling heart to see sooner what will end up good and what will not? i think as we have more relationships under out belt and narrow our playing field we can. But there is always that heart factor that can throw the best laid plans out the window.

So how do we stay committed to ourselves, fight for what we want, but know when we have reached our capacity to give more? I think for me, i most often have hung on too long, but that said, I can look back at every relationship and remember the exact moment that i knew i was done fighting and had given all that i was willing to give. I could walk away with no regrets...

I know for each of us there is someone out there that will see the greatness we can have with them in a relationship and fight for us. The challenge is, we always want it now....so mister right now becomes our project to make the right one. This is the cycle we need to stop and why we need to start being stronger for our selves!!!

Has it really been 2 years since i posted?

Wow, so much has happened since my last post. They always say everything comes full circle and when I last posted both girls were leaving to pursue their own lives outside of MN. As I write this both my babies are back home in Minneapolis. Amanda now lives in Minneapolis as a school teacher and she is now 25 (where has time gone) and Sammi who is now 19 is a sophomore is only 6 hours away at DePaul in Chicago and currently home for her 6 week break.
As far as me and my search for true love...I have still not found love but not for lack of trying...I think that will be my next post...
title: How many times do we put ourselves out there before we give up? Answer to follow!

What I have learned and loved as a mother...

So this is it, the final year to have both my baby girls home. It is hard to believe that in June Sammi will graduate and be going to college, Amanda will go back to Spain and i will be here officially on my own, by myself, alone, single, an empty Nestor as they say with no body to come home to except my cat Cooper, which I think will make me an old maid.

No one to pick up after, run errands for, watch play soccer, check in on while they are sleeping, cure when they are sick, worry over when they are out late or bring coffee to in the morning to wake them up.

So what have I learned and loved over the years? I learned that while challenging, I loved the rat race, the too much on my plate, the sleepless nights when i wasn't sure how we were going to make it, the scary moments they were sick or would get hurt, the priceless moments the three of us had together laughing until we cried! I loved watching them grow up and enjoyed every stage they went through still can't believe they are grown. In the early years we were the three musketeers, in the middle years we were the three woman of strength and now these final years we are just simply "the girls".

The first thing I learned is...I got lucky with them, because they are the most amazing, independent, strong, beautiful inside and out woman that I know. I also am humbled and proud to tell you that while we as parents are to be the teachers, these ladies in reality over the year were my teachers and I grew up under their direction.

I learned your children can keep you safe and make you a better person. Because they depended on me as their mom, I had guidelines and boundaries for myself I might not otherwise have had if not for them in my life. I was braver because they were watching me and stronger because they depended on me and clearer thinking because the moment called for no other option. They taught me to be resourceful and be both parents in the house, because you can't delegate a harder chore to someone stronger and there was no one to pass off a question to, you are all there is. We learned together that a perfect family can be just the three of us and we were stronger alone than with someone to take care of us. I learned what I felt were some of my most challenging moments supporting them back then have now become some of our favorite memories, so money does not buy happiness, your moments with them do.

I learned that being a mom you don't always have to be perfect, or strong or beautiful or healthy sometimes it's okay to let your girls be there for you. I learned you can mess up sometimes as a mom but it's important to say you are sorry and ask them to forgive you and they will respect you for it. I learned sometimes we need to rethink our opinion as parents when a child provides a sound argument as to why they should have it their way because sometimes they are right.

I rewarded good grades, committed to sports and good friends with both girls having what I called "the world" as their boundaries but let them know if they messed up even once they would have the boundaries drawn in so small it would encompass the circle my thumb and pointer finger would make when touching. Neither girl ever needed the tighter boundaries and I learned it pays to repay a child's effort with freedoms.

I learned as a mother that most parents say "no" too fast just because it is the easier path. In saying YES to simple requests that I wanted to say no too but really couldn't find a good enough reason to...that while it may be more work, more running around, more effort or sleepless nights...they respect you for understanding them and going out of your way (they know when you just "don't feel like it").

I think the most important thing I learned is to respect my girls and always try to assume the best in them...to trust them completely and leave the doubts until they proved to be real. Both girls lived up to my expectations of them.

In closing, I learned that no matter how old they get they will always be your priority, that you will always worry and that their joy doubles your joy and their sadness hurts you more than them. I learned that you can be so proud of them that your heart feels as if it will explode out of your body.

To Amanda and Sammi...my babys, my young ladies. My life. Thank you for making this part of my journey more enjoyable than I could have ever imagined.

2 sides of the forest

“You can only go halfway into the darkest forest, then you are coming out the other side.” – Chinese Proverb

I just referenced this quote with a friend and thought i would share it with the rest of you.

In our lives i think each of us has gone through periods where no matter what we do or how hard we try life situations feel as if they keep getting worse instead of better. Suddenly we find ourselves at a point where we feel we can't go any lower and the burden seems to much.

This my friends is us going halfway into the forest and reaching the center point. The center or darkest part of the forest represents the darkest point of our lives. My goal today is to have us focusing not on the darkest part, but on the way out of this forest. Remembering that once we have reached the middle or darkest part of the forest if we proceed correctly we will begin coming out the other side.

The reason i say proceed correctly is that because many people at the point where they reach the darkest deepest part of the forest they give up, they stop - unable to move forward or backward because it feels hopeless. They become lost and exist in self pitty or depression of "my life use to be", "my wealth use to be", "my career use to be", "i can't he/she left me","i can't believe this happened to me".

I am not saying it is easy to trust that even when we think we are at our lowest point we have fully reached the darkest part. But what i do know is if we want to survive and eventually see the other side of the forest and come out the other side we have no choice but to keep moving to find out. I am also not saying as we proceed past the center and out the other side there will not be some moments we find ourselves lost or circled back, closer to the darkest part of the forest again. What i am saying is that if we don't keep moving the darkness will eventually become so comfortable that we will lose ambition, motivation, and inspiration to ever make it out again.
So in summary, while much of the time our lives are spent on the outer rim of the forest we need to remember that if per chance our lives do take us through it...there are two sides...and one is a way out.
Have a great rest of your week. Debra

The hundred and first blow...

In dealing with personal or business pursuits many times we give up after one or two attempts because we feel we have done our job in “trying”. We may even feel that it is just not meant to be, there is no way to get through or accomplish the task that at first glance appeared to be attainable.

I love this quote below because it speaks about perseverance during situations where the first hundred attempts may look like we have failed or made no progress. This task of continuing to push is not easy I can tell you that from personal experience in following this example below and there are times even the strongest of minds/souls feel like giving up. It is that voice in your head at the end of the day that says…”I am not sure how much longer I can do this maybe I should just give up” and then waking up in the morning knowing you have no choice but to do it again for one more day.

This mindset is not for every situation or we literally might go crazy, so in order to know when to put this into play ask yourself…”how passionate am I about this?” “how bad do I want this”? If the answer is “very passionate” and “something I must accomplish or have”…then don’t stop! As a friend of mine will tell you when he went after a job…it may take a voice mail and e-mail every week for three months being blown off each time before you wear them down enough to get the interview! Enjoy.
"When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it - but all that had gone before."
-- Jacob Riis, Photographer and Journalist

Fast as you can...

"When a man wants to be with a woman, there ain't no way of getting there to fast...when you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with...you want to start...the rest of your life...fast as you can."

I have no clue who the man is that sings that song but he has totally nailed where the men in my life have fallen short. Oh they are definitely running, just not in the direction towards me (smile). I have to realize though that if I look at the situation there is really only one common denominator in wading through these men...me!

So what is it about me that attracts the men who want moments but can't run further than that? Now don't get me wrong...I love the moments i have had, but eventually here you would have thought at 47 years old I would have found one man that i connect with who might want to run to me "as fast as he can" who can't live without me. On the other hand what would I do if I saw a man running to me as fast as he could wanting the rest of my life...turn tail and run myself or stand solid and wait for the impact that he had finally arrived? I hope it will be to stand solid.

I can remember when I was first single, I was attracting only men younger than myself and never married and they were great at running until they caught you, then the run started in the other direction when they thought it might end up to be a "future". So when I realized that was most likely not a good combination for me I moved toward only dating men who had been married and have kids...but really there is no difference...a man is a man is a man is a man...they just vary in life experiences.

So now that I have this song planted in my head...I am planning on making it my guide to help weed through this process faster. For example, "there ain't no way of getting there too fast" is someone I just meet and they are very anxious to see me and then want to know when the next moment they can see me is, and the next. These are the men that will be the keepers. It's a bit about watching the actions of what men say verses what men do, it will now be easy to understand that if you can't hold their attention at first and they have no sense of urgency to see me again....I might as well move on because there is not enough of a connection. Someone who is into me will be running to me regardless of what is going on in their life and we will find moments in our busy schedules. I think if I need to define it, it would be that someone is willing to go out of their way to make sure we meet, even if it would be a sacrifice.

It's kind of like that quote by Confucius "wheresoever you go, go with all your heart". There is no middle ground in connecting with someone and knowing if you want them for the next moments of your life because your heart will have no choice but to run to them...so in "fast as you can" one way or the other...you are running in a direction.

I related it to an analogy in what it should be like when you meet someone and their energy and actions to you...if a company like Hershey has a product like a Hershey Kiss they want to role out and sell to the public, don't you think they give that sample piece of chocolate the very best flavor, the very best wrapping and the very best marketing they can? So don't you think it should be true when you meet someone that you should give them your best and let the connection and life dictate the speed rather than force one upon it? So i guess this can be meant not only for women to men but also for men to women...listen to the words they say, but always believe the action over the words...if they aren't running to you as fast as they can...they are most likely one of those samples you taste and go...great wrapping and promotion but the flavor is just not there.
Thanks for reading my rambling...just heard the song and thought...such a simple concept, yet so hard to find..a man wanting to be with this woman.
Love always, Debra

Fortune cookies...can they be progressive?...

Last month I had a fortune cookie that stated..."Your wildest dream will come true". (so I quickly had to think of what that would be)

Last week I had a fortune cook that said..."You will enjoy passion but keep your independence". (now how did they know I just experienced that?)

Today (yes I had Chinese again today, no comment please I eat small portions) it said..."Someone is interested in you, keep your eyes open". (okay I will, but can you give me a bit more detail please).

So I am thinking if the theme of the fortune cookie continues then my next cookie might be something like..."turn around, he is right behind you"?

Stay tuned for next weeks update...Just having fun. Happy New Year everyone and welcome to our best year ever!

Debra

It's all about the kiss

This Blog is focused mainly on moments that take your breath away...well what can take your breath away more consistently than one simple yet amazing kiss? Your heart and breath quicken, your body goes mysteriously weak and your mind empties of all thought except what is happening between their lips and yours. How long did your most amazing first kiss last? Or even more important once in a relationship how long did your longest kiss last?

While I know in some relationships couples will tell you that they still feel excited when their lips touch the lips of their partner even after years of being together, sadly I think for the most part for most couples, the excitement of the kiss has worn off. Sparked only when they have been away from each other for a while or what I like to refer to as “make up kissing”.

I must say one of the great things about being single over being in a relationship is that you are able to have that much wanted, much anticipated, much desired..."first kiss" over again. It begins with meeting someone you are attracted to and knowing instinctively that at some point in the evening their lips will find yours. It is the almost slow motion moment as they begin to lean into you and you have suddenly no control over your body as you feel yourself leaning in anticipating the connection.

Connection. You can tell a lot about someone through a first kiss. I have had some great first kisses in my life. First kisses that took me by surprise to those who asked permission, to those who simply announced it was time to kiss me. There have been times when that first kiss seems like it took forever to get there and times when it happens so fast, you end up knowing more about their lips than you do them as a person. Each moment, each kiss in it’s own way is fabulous if the timing is right.
Kissing is an art. The kisser cannot be overbearing or what I call the “face eaters”. They cannot be sloppy where you feel as if you just got kissed by the wet mouth of a dog. It has to be performed with feeling and thoughtfulness. I relate it maybe to an artist drawing a picture, kissing is what he sees in his mind before he begins, then slowly delivers that idea onto a canvas.

Great kissing in some ways is like a great relationship, if matched correctly becomes about give and take where both parties are equally up to the task of leading or following depending on the moment. You may take the lead for a moment and then give that lead back to the other person to explore and create.

Through kissing you can also tell how much someone is into you. If they avoid the lips you know that they are not looking for intimacy or maybe if in a relationship you have drifted apart. Doubt me? Think about it…in a relationship what is the first thing to go? The kissing. Still don't believe me...remember when you first meet someone and no matter what the age you can sit or lay and kiss them forever? Then over time the kissing becomes "hello dear how was your day" or almost an afterthought because your lips just happened to connect with theirs as you pass in the night. You have to like or enjoy someone to want to kiss them on the lips.

My personal thought...the lips are judge and gate keeper to your soul and to your heart. Remember what Julia Roberts said to Richard Gere in the movie Pretty Woman..."no kissing on the lips...too personal". Real kissing mandates a level of connecting with someone or staying connected to them that require the participants of the great kisses to be in tune with each other, connected to some degree emotionally as well as physically if even for just that moment.

I must say that without a shadow of a doubt, to describe my most amazing kissing experiences...the greatest kissers pay attention to the moment, not thinking ahead, not rushing, just experiencing as they go, taking each moment as if it were the last moment they might have with you. In other words...you know without a shadow of a doubt that you have been kissed with more than just their lips.

Okay...now that I got that out of my system and finally put it down on paper... time to go out and put my words to action and find me that next first great kiss!

Debra xoxo

Be kind to Strangers for some have entertained angels without knowing

There is a little known verse in the Bible that says exactly that, I have loved this verse for as long as I can remember. When I was small I use to think Angels were white beings that floated in the sky and helped God look after us. As I grew older I realized that we are surrounded daily by Angels here on earth and yet most of us are so busy going about our hurried lives that we take little notice as they come and go.

So who are these Angels you ask? My thought is that just like we discuss courage is not always in the loud roar, but sometimes instead the quiet whisper...Angels are sometimes as simple as that person that smiles at us when the rest of the world has us discouraged. They are that person when we don't have enough change at the check out hands us some of theirs, the driver that let's us slide into the line when 3 others have not. They are the friend who's simple touch as they talk to you makes you feel as if everything is going to be all right.


Just as the quiet whisper can be as powerful as the loud roar, it does not have to be some life saving act, it can be as simple as a person who makes the perfect comment at just the exact moment you needed to hear it. This year it is the nurse who said let's not send you home until you are up to it, no sense rushing yourself it's okay to relax. It was a man who during this year as I am in my worst physcial shape of life made a comment to me saying I must be in the top 2% of woman in shape over 40 (we'll let him think that if that's okay with everyone:-)). It is the man who stopped on the side of the road to help me fix my tire and then checked all the other tires to be sure I was safe. It is one of Amanda's friends in Spain who is giving us her home for free over the holidays so we don't have to incur hotel costs. It is the neighbor who when my trees all blew down called his cousin and came over and cut them up which took an entire weekend they had planned to spend on their boat. It was the woman at the rental car place who asked the man to bring my car up to me instead of making me walk a pretty long distance after a very long day. These people were in my life but a moment yet will be remembered for what they did for a very long time...these are a few if my Angels.

Have you ever wondered why it is certain people come into your life, have you ever thought about what they brought into your life no matter how small the "touch"? I think all of us at some point or another have been forced into a situation whether it be a weekend conference or even vacation where we are forced to interact with strangers and suddenly strangers by the end of those few days or week have now impacted our life.

The Stranger does not always have to be impacting our life either...maybe that stranger was put there to see how we would react to them, help them, comfort them, teach them, or simply not ignore them. If you look at all strangers as potential Angels...how would your life change?

So I guess I ask those of you who understand what I am talking about...when was the last time we were strangers who became Angels in someone's life?

Thank you to all my Angels...

From Al...one of my mentors in how to make a relationship last...

Al is a dear friend of mine that has been a relationship mentor and friend to me over the years and helped walk me through or past 2 long term relationship break-ups. He is one of those angels that gathers souls around him. Actually female souls now come to think of it, are there even any other men on those morning rides for coffee? (Just kidding.) He is famous for lifting you up and getting you back on track or sometimes as hard as it has been...to wake you up and say "what the heck are you doing?" like you will see below. When I think of what the perfect relationship should look like I have my parents who have been married for 49 years and then there is Al and his wife. Al is a husband, father and grandfather and can relate to woman more than any man I have ever met. He gives wonderful advice on men, woman and relationships for he educates himself on how to be the best at it (yes ladies there is a man in this world that educates himself on woman). He would hate for me to tell you that he loves chick flicks, writes poems and is the one that introduced me to the CD of Serendipity, which continues to be my favorite movie. But he would also want me to tell you his nick name is Mountain man so he is a man's man too;-). So here are his comments to me from the "with every good-bye" and then the "soul mate" letters...thank you as always Al and this time for allowing me to share.

PS: what was that thing about patience again:-)? I know you keep reminding me of it:-). Plus Al...can you remember to tell me tomorrow what exactly is the universe trying to say to me by having that poem keep coming back to me...how much more learning do I have to do, I have already mastered the good bye part and the learning...although each man does get better than the last so maybe...

To my friends, Enjoy Al's words of wisdom...

D,

Life & Love: A Fine Art in Which There Are No Classes

Sometimes the "universe" speaks to you or maybe it's your friends who view things differently from a step back. The poem "With Every Goodbye" keeps coming back for a reason. I gave you a copy when you and Dave broke up. Later you asked me for a copy when you and Tony were splitting, and now you get another copy. Interesting.

As far as the soul mates concept............... I think the "sweeps you off your feet, takes your breath away and makes your knees weak" is simply the chemicals that come with infatuation and physical attraction. A serendipity moment often found in movies. While you may feel that this is all it takes for a Camelot life of love, it's only the first step of many needed for a lifetime of commitment. There are several stages of love, from the chemical/infatuation one to final mature love which is what we all want. You might make it in 4-5 years if you're 50, widowed and had it before, but for most it comes gradually over a period of years, often so slowly that you may not realize when you have arrived. It takes work and an investment of time, understanding, and introspection.

May you find the patience to let it develop.

As always, a few years older,

A

Soul Mates

I have been blessed with e-mails from you all sending me these wonderful moments you have found to share. For those of you who do not have my e-mail address and would prefer to send me something off line it is debra@anytimefitness.com. See what you think of this one...I definately need to find me one of these:-)...

SOUL MATES

When you meet your soul mate, this person will have an instantaneous effect on you.

A soul mate is someone who makes your knees go weak and takes your breath away.

With but a single glance they lessen your burden, and but a smile, touch your heart.

You will feel a sense of total connection with this person.

They will touch you so deeply on so many levels that you will want to share your innermost secrets.

For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a God/Goddess.

Once you have met your soul mate, for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same...

One of the things which makes this encounter so unique is the sense of a profound spiritual experience.

You both feel like this is meant to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation.

When you meet your soul mate something happens and the deep yearning, the compelling energy drawing you to become physically intimate overwhelms many...

Nothing will have ever felt so right...

There's a sense of safety with this person.

You knowingly let go of your defenses as a deep empathic bond is formed.

Unlike any other relationships you may have had, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas, only truth...

There is something about the passion you share with a soul mate that goes so far beyond just the physical body.

For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe.

Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one.

Your spiritual energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summer's day.

Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your partner ends...

From within the depths of your exquisitely passionate union, your soul mate will know exactly how and where to touch you.

It will be different, more intense, and more gratifying than any lover from your past...

And more electrifying than anything you have ever imagined...

They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide.

For some people, there is the "rush".

All the love, all the lust, and all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a cage.

At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes.

You will experience a realization you have never felt before and your desire and passion will rise to new levels.

But in the end, as you lay there, as the warm after, glow begins to fade,you will realize what just happened was not merely sex.

Sex pales in comparison to what you have just experienced...

To put it simply, your soul mate will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will ever be able to match...

- Author Unknown

Starts with Good-bye

I know we appear to be on the "good-bye" theme at the moment so I thought I would continue with a fabulous song that I heard from Carrie Underwood called Starts with Good-bye. The song's lyrics say it perfectly of how we should handle our good-byes. I think whether we are parents sending our child off to college, a family about to move out of town saying goodbye to those they have had in our lives for a long time, the death of a loved one or as the song speaks about, saying good-bye to someone we loved in a relationship that we can no longer stay in...She speaks of the many reasons we stay in something too long, because we know it's going to hurt. She says it beautifully that if you know going into it that it's okay to hurt, to cry, to let them go even though you love them, to break down, but then as you are feeling all these things also know that this is the best thing you can do for your life, there is another side and that it has to start by saying good bye to where you are. Here are her words...enjoy...

"...I was sitting on my doorstep, I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand, but I knew I had to do it and you wouldn't understand. So hard to see myself without him, I felt a piece of my heart break, but when you are standing at a crossroad, there's a choice you gotta make....i guess its going to have to hurt, I guess I am going to have cry,and let go of some things I love to get to the other side, guess its going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
I know there's a blue horizon somewhere up ahead just waiting for me. Getting there means leaving things behind. Sometimes lifes so bitter sweet. Guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry, and let go of some things I love to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simple sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
Time heals... the wounds that you feel...somehow right now...I guess it's gonna have to hurt, guess i'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side, guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with Good-bye.

After A While

The writing below was given to us in reply to my last Blog by "a kindred spirit" (thank you so much) and I wanted to share it with you. This is very powerful, and for those of us that have said good-bye one time or another to something or someone we would maybe have liked to keep around a bit longer...this is perfect. Accepting our defeats with our head held high and eyes looking ahead...knowing that we really can endure, we are strong and we do have worth.

Enjoy...

By Veronica A Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for some one to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Baseline Standards

"If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you’ll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve.”
~ Anthony Robbins

Baseline standards. What are those in our lives? Are they the morals we were taught as children, are they the character qualities that have developed in us over the years? Are they just some line we have in the back of our minds that we promise ourselves we will never cross? Are they in addition to those items, things we fall into like negative actions or situations that happened to us that in looking back we are surprised we allowed them to happen? Whatever they are I think I can speak for all of us when I say we we have all slipped and fallen short of our baseline standards at some point if not often in our lives.

So what happens when we say we are going to be one kind of person and find ourselves pulled for one reason or another into a direction we know is wrong for us. I wish we could say that "we had no clue we were going there" but we do, don't we? I mean there is always that little voice in the back of our heads that is whispering..."hey, you do remember this is wrong for you and not right don't you?" It isn't always a huge jump across the line, most times at least for me I have found is that it is often small movements toward the line until I am standing directly on the line and then suddenly step off onto the other side. Most times I jump quickly back but there have been a few times that once across I think...well this is not so bad, I think I might be able to hang on for a while. Then days, weeks or months later I find myself looking back thinking how far I have come off my course and make my way once again back across the line.

Some times in life we allow things to happen to us because we think we have no choice but to exist this way. For example I was married for 14 years to a man who's behavior to me was something that I would never tolerate today. However back then I was not as strong as I am today and allowed it to happen to me not once but many, many times over those 14 years. When I finally was strong enough to break the cycle and walk away, I was so angry and resentful toward him, I can remember the hatred I felt. That was until I realized one day that the reason I was so angry was not because of him, I was angry at me...for it was me that allowed him to have that behavior. He would never have been able to do those things had I not allowed it. It was me that did not have the courage to do anything about it all those years. Once I realized this and that it was me I had to forgive I was able to move past that anger and resentment. It is the prime example of "baseline standard of what I would accept" and then "slipping into a quality of life far below what I deserved".

On the flip side of that maybe there are some of us out there that are acting in a way that in years to come we will look back and see they are behaviors or a quality of life far below what we thought we would be living. I'm not speaking financially, I am speaking ethically or morally. We all fall into this I am sure at some point or another, they become the "skeletons in our closet" or the "time in our life we are not too proud of".

So how do we keep from falling into the trap of allowing others to lower us below our baseline or fall ourselves below our baseline standards? I would say that's easy but in reality it isn't. It takes both courage on the side of not allowing others to pull us down and to remain above board on our behaviors. I think if you are someone that has been pulled down before like myself you might be almost hyper sensitive to the things that would pull you down again. I know in my life my intuitions and instincts have developed to a level that now in all honesty is hurting me rather than helping me. I have become so proactive in not allowing anyone to pull me in that direction again I probably have missed some moments that never would have gone that direction in the first place.

As for how we can keep ourselves from falling into those behaviors or standards far below what we deserve? Now if we are honest with ourselves...it is about having the will power, commitment, and dedication to ourselves to stay away from those temptations or moments that pull us away from our goals for our lives. It is as brutally simple yet challenging as that.

Debra

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

If you have never read the book the "Invitation" I encourage you to give it a try...here is the introduction to her book...
Enjoy...


The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the moon, "YES!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.


- Oriah Mountain Dreamer