Fast as you can...

"When a man wants to be with a woman, there ain't no way of getting there to fast...when you know who you want to spend the rest of your life with...you want to start...the rest of your life...fast as you can."

I have no clue who the man is that sings that song but he has totally nailed where the men in my life have fallen short. Oh they are definitely running, just not in the direction towards me (smile). I have to realize though that if I look at the situation there is really only one common denominator in wading through these men...me!

So what is it about me that attracts the men who want moments but can't run further than that? Now don't get me wrong...I love the moments i have had, but eventually here you would have thought at 47 years old I would have found one man that i connect with who might want to run to me "as fast as he can" who can't live without me. On the other hand what would I do if I saw a man running to me as fast as he could wanting the rest of my life...turn tail and run myself or stand solid and wait for the impact that he had finally arrived? I hope it will be to stand solid.

I can remember when I was first single, I was attracting only men younger than myself and never married and they were great at running until they caught you, then the run started in the other direction when they thought it might end up to be a "future". So when I realized that was most likely not a good combination for me I moved toward only dating men who had been married and have kids...but really there is no difference...a man is a man is a man is a man...they just vary in life experiences.

So now that I have this song planted in my head...I am planning on making it my guide to help weed through this process faster. For example, "there ain't no way of getting there too fast" is someone I just meet and they are very anxious to see me and then want to know when the next moment they can see me is, and the next. These are the men that will be the keepers. It's a bit about watching the actions of what men say verses what men do, it will now be easy to understand that if you can't hold their attention at first and they have no sense of urgency to see me again....I might as well move on because there is not enough of a connection. Someone who is into me will be running to me regardless of what is going on in their life and we will find moments in our busy schedules. I think if I need to define it, it would be that someone is willing to go out of their way to make sure we meet, even if it would be a sacrifice.

It's kind of like that quote by Confucius "wheresoever you go, go with all your heart". There is no middle ground in connecting with someone and knowing if you want them for the next moments of your life because your heart will have no choice but to run to them...so in "fast as you can" one way or the other...you are running in a direction.

I related it to an analogy in what it should be like when you meet someone and their energy and actions to you...if a company like Hershey has a product like a Hershey Kiss they want to role out and sell to the public, don't you think they give that sample piece of chocolate the very best flavor, the very best wrapping and the very best marketing they can? So don't you think it should be true when you meet someone that you should give them your best and let the connection and life dictate the speed rather than force one upon it? So i guess this can be meant not only for women to men but also for men to women...listen to the words they say, but always believe the action over the words...if they aren't running to you as fast as they can...they are most likely one of those samples you taste and go...great wrapping and promotion but the flavor is just not there.
Thanks for reading my rambling...just heard the song and thought...such a simple concept, yet so hard to find..a man wanting to be with this woman.
Love always, Debra

Fortune cookies...can they be progressive?...

Last month I had a fortune cookie that stated..."Your wildest dream will come true". (so I quickly had to think of what that would be)

Last week I had a fortune cook that said..."You will enjoy passion but keep your independence". (now how did they know I just experienced that?)

Today (yes I had Chinese again today, no comment please I eat small portions) it said..."Someone is interested in you, keep your eyes open". (okay I will, but can you give me a bit more detail please).

So I am thinking if the theme of the fortune cookie continues then my next cookie might be something like..."turn around, he is right behind you"?

Stay tuned for next weeks update...Just having fun. Happy New Year everyone and welcome to our best year ever!

Debra

It's all about the kiss

This Blog is focused mainly on moments that take your breath away...well what can take your breath away more consistently than one simple yet amazing kiss? Your heart and breath quicken, your body goes mysteriously weak and your mind empties of all thought except what is happening between their lips and yours. How long did your most amazing first kiss last? Or even more important once in a relationship how long did your longest kiss last?

While I know in some relationships couples will tell you that they still feel excited when their lips touch the lips of their partner even after years of being together, sadly I think for the most part for most couples, the excitement of the kiss has worn off. Sparked only when they have been away from each other for a while or what I like to refer to as “make up kissing”.

I must say one of the great things about being single over being in a relationship is that you are able to have that much wanted, much anticipated, much desired..."first kiss" over again. It begins with meeting someone you are attracted to and knowing instinctively that at some point in the evening their lips will find yours. It is the almost slow motion moment as they begin to lean into you and you have suddenly no control over your body as you feel yourself leaning in anticipating the connection.

Connection. You can tell a lot about someone through a first kiss. I have had some great first kisses in my life. First kisses that took me by surprise to those who asked permission, to those who simply announced it was time to kiss me. There have been times when that first kiss seems like it took forever to get there and times when it happens so fast, you end up knowing more about their lips than you do them as a person. Each moment, each kiss in it’s own way is fabulous if the timing is right.
Kissing is an art. The kisser cannot be overbearing or what I call the “face eaters”. They cannot be sloppy where you feel as if you just got kissed by the wet mouth of a dog. It has to be performed with feeling and thoughtfulness. I relate it maybe to an artist drawing a picture, kissing is what he sees in his mind before he begins, then slowly delivers that idea onto a canvas.

Great kissing in some ways is like a great relationship, if matched correctly becomes about give and take where both parties are equally up to the task of leading or following depending on the moment. You may take the lead for a moment and then give that lead back to the other person to explore and create.

Through kissing you can also tell how much someone is into you. If they avoid the lips you know that they are not looking for intimacy or maybe if in a relationship you have drifted apart. Doubt me? Think about it…in a relationship what is the first thing to go? The kissing. Still don't believe me...remember when you first meet someone and no matter what the age you can sit or lay and kiss them forever? Then over time the kissing becomes "hello dear how was your day" or almost an afterthought because your lips just happened to connect with theirs as you pass in the night. You have to like or enjoy someone to want to kiss them on the lips.

My personal thought...the lips are judge and gate keeper to your soul and to your heart. Remember what Julia Roberts said to Richard Gere in the movie Pretty Woman..."no kissing on the lips...too personal". Real kissing mandates a level of connecting with someone or staying connected to them that require the participants of the great kisses to be in tune with each other, connected to some degree emotionally as well as physically if even for just that moment.

I must say that without a shadow of a doubt, to describe my most amazing kissing experiences...the greatest kissers pay attention to the moment, not thinking ahead, not rushing, just experiencing as they go, taking each moment as if it were the last moment they might have with you. In other words...you know without a shadow of a doubt that you have been kissed with more than just their lips.

Okay...now that I got that out of my system and finally put it down on paper... time to go out and put my words to action and find me that next first great kiss!

Debra xoxo

Be kind to Strangers for some have entertained angels without knowing

There is a little known verse in the Bible that says exactly that, I have loved this verse for as long as I can remember. When I was small I use to think Angels were white beings that floated in the sky and helped God look after us. As I grew older I realized that we are surrounded daily by Angels here on earth and yet most of us are so busy going about our hurried lives that we take little notice as they come and go.

So who are these Angels you ask? My thought is that just like we discuss courage is not always in the loud roar, but sometimes instead the quiet whisper...Angels are sometimes as simple as that person that smiles at us when the rest of the world has us discouraged. They are that person when we don't have enough change at the check out hands us some of theirs, the driver that let's us slide into the line when 3 others have not. They are the friend who's simple touch as they talk to you makes you feel as if everything is going to be all right.


Just as the quiet whisper can be as powerful as the loud roar, it does not have to be some life saving act, it can be as simple as a person who makes the perfect comment at just the exact moment you needed to hear it. This year it is the nurse who said let's not send you home until you are up to it, no sense rushing yourself it's okay to relax. It was a man who during this year as I am in my worst physcial shape of life made a comment to me saying I must be in the top 2% of woman in shape over 40 (we'll let him think that if that's okay with everyone:-)). It is the man who stopped on the side of the road to help me fix my tire and then checked all the other tires to be sure I was safe. It is one of Amanda's friends in Spain who is giving us her home for free over the holidays so we don't have to incur hotel costs. It is the neighbor who when my trees all blew down called his cousin and came over and cut them up which took an entire weekend they had planned to spend on their boat. It was the woman at the rental car place who asked the man to bring my car up to me instead of making me walk a pretty long distance after a very long day. These people were in my life but a moment yet will be remembered for what they did for a very long time...these are a few if my Angels.

Have you ever wondered why it is certain people come into your life, have you ever thought about what they brought into your life no matter how small the "touch"? I think all of us at some point or another have been forced into a situation whether it be a weekend conference or even vacation where we are forced to interact with strangers and suddenly strangers by the end of those few days or week have now impacted our life.

The Stranger does not always have to be impacting our life either...maybe that stranger was put there to see how we would react to them, help them, comfort them, teach them, or simply not ignore them. If you look at all strangers as potential Angels...how would your life change?

So I guess I ask those of you who understand what I am talking about...when was the last time we were strangers who became Angels in someone's life?

Thank you to all my Angels...

From Al...one of my mentors in how to make a relationship last...

Al is a dear friend of mine that has been a relationship mentor and friend to me over the years and helped walk me through or past 2 long term relationship break-ups. He is one of those angels that gathers souls around him. Actually female souls now come to think of it, are there even any other men on those morning rides for coffee? (Just kidding.) He is famous for lifting you up and getting you back on track or sometimes as hard as it has been...to wake you up and say "what the heck are you doing?" like you will see below. When I think of what the perfect relationship should look like I have my parents who have been married for 49 years and then there is Al and his wife. Al is a husband, father and grandfather and can relate to woman more than any man I have ever met. He gives wonderful advice on men, woman and relationships for he educates himself on how to be the best at it (yes ladies there is a man in this world that educates himself on woman). He would hate for me to tell you that he loves chick flicks, writes poems and is the one that introduced me to the CD of Serendipity, which continues to be my favorite movie. But he would also want me to tell you his nick name is Mountain man so he is a man's man too;-). So here are his comments to me from the "with every good-bye" and then the "soul mate" letters...thank you as always Al and this time for allowing me to share.

PS: what was that thing about patience again:-)? I know you keep reminding me of it:-). Plus Al...can you remember to tell me tomorrow what exactly is the universe trying to say to me by having that poem keep coming back to me...how much more learning do I have to do, I have already mastered the good bye part and the learning...although each man does get better than the last so maybe...

To my friends, Enjoy Al's words of wisdom...

D,

Life & Love: A Fine Art in Which There Are No Classes

Sometimes the "universe" speaks to you or maybe it's your friends who view things differently from a step back. The poem "With Every Goodbye" keeps coming back for a reason. I gave you a copy when you and Dave broke up. Later you asked me for a copy when you and Tony were splitting, and now you get another copy. Interesting.

As far as the soul mates concept............... I think the "sweeps you off your feet, takes your breath away and makes your knees weak" is simply the chemicals that come with infatuation and physical attraction. A serendipity moment often found in movies. While you may feel that this is all it takes for a Camelot life of love, it's only the first step of many needed for a lifetime of commitment. There are several stages of love, from the chemical/infatuation one to final mature love which is what we all want. You might make it in 4-5 years if you're 50, widowed and had it before, but for most it comes gradually over a period of years, often so slowly that you may not realize when you have arrived. It takes work and an investment of time, understanding, and introspection.

May you find the patience to let it develop.

As always, a few years older,

A

Soul Mates

I have been blessed with e-mails from you all sending me these wonderful moments you have found to share. For those of you who do not have my e-mail address and would prefer to send me something off line it is debra@anytimefitness.com. See what you think of this one...I definately need to find me one of these:-)...

SOUL MATES

When you meet your soul mate, this person will have an instantaneous effect on you.

A soul mate is someone who makes your knees go weak and takes your breath away.

With but a single glance they lessen your burden, and but a smile, touch your heart.

You will feel a sense of total connection with this person.

They will touch you so deeply on so many levels that you will want to share your innermost secrets.

For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a God/Goddess.

Once you have met your soul mate, for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same...

One of the things which makes this encounter so unique is the sense of a profound spiritual experience.

You both feel like this is meant to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation.

When you meet your soul mate something happens and the deep yearning, the compelling energy drawing you to become physically intimate overwhelms many...

Nothing will have ever felt so right...

There's a sense of safety with this person.

You knowingly let go of your defenses as a deep empathic bond is formed.

Unlike any other relationships you may have had, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas, only truth...

There is something about the passion you share with a soul mate that goes so far beyond just the physical body.

For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe.

Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one.

Your spiritual energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summer's day.

Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your partner ends...

From within the depths of your exquisitely passionate union, your soul mate will know exactly how and where to touch you.

It will be different, more intense, and more gratifying than any lover from your past...

And more electrifying than anything you have ever imagined...

They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide.

For some people, there is the "rush".

All the love, all the lust, and all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a cage.

At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes.

You will experience a realization you have never felt before and your desire and passion will rise to new levels.

But in the end, as you lay there, as the warm after, glow begins to fade,you will realize what just happened was not merely sex.

Sex pales in comparison to what you have just experienced...

To put it simply, your soul mate will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will ever be able to match...

- Author Unknown

Starts with Good-bye

I know we appear to be on the "good-bye" theme at the moment so I thought I would continue with a fabulous song that I heard from Carrie Underwood called Starts with Good-bye. The song's lyrics say it perfectly of how we should handle our good-byes. I think whether we are parents sending our child off to college, a family about to move out of town saying goodbye to those they have had in our lives for a long time, the death of a loved one or as the song speaks about, saying good-bye to someone we loved in a relationship that we can no longer stay in...She speaks of the many reasons we stay in something too long, because we know it's going to hurt. She says it beautifully that if you know going into it that it's okay to hurt, to cry, to let them go even though you love them, to break down, but then as you are feeling all these things also know that this is the best thing you can do for your life, there is another side and that it has to start by saying good bye to where you are. Here are her words...enjoy...

"...I was sitting on my doorstep, I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand, but I knew I had to do it and you wouldn't understand. So hard to see myself without him, I felt a piece of my heart break, but when you are standing at a crossroad, there's a choice you gotta make....i guess its going to have to hurt, I guess I am going to have cry,and let go of some things I love to get to the other side, guess its going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
I know there's a blue horizon somewhere up ahead just waiting for me. Getting there means leaving things behind. Sometimes lifes so bitter sweet. Guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry, and let go of some things I love to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simple sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
Time heals... the wounds that you feel...somehow right now...I guess it's gonna have to hurt, guess i'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side, guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with Good-bye.