Soul Mates

I have been blessed with e-mails from you all sending me these wonderful moments you have found to share. For those of you who do not have my e-mail address and would prefer to send me something off line it is debra@anytimefitness.com. See what you think of this one...I definately need to find me one of these:-)...

SOUL MATES

When you meet your soul mate, this person will have an instantaneous effect on you.

A soul mate is someone who makes your knees go weak and takes your breath away.

With but a single glance they lessen your burden, and but a smile, touch your heart.

You will feel a sense of total connection with this person.

They will touch you so deeply on so many levels that you will want to share your innermost secrets.

For the first time in your life someone will make you feel almost like a God/Goddess.

Once you have met your soul mate, for better or sometimes worse, your life will never be the same...

One of the things which makes this encounter so unique is the sense of a profound spiritual experience.

You both feel like this is meant to be and that you've been together before in a past incarnation.

When you meet your soul mate something happens and the deep yearning, the compelling energy drawing you to become physically intimate overwhelms many...

Nothing will have ever felt so right...

There's a sense of safety with this person.

You knowingly let go of your defenses as a deep empathic bond is formed.

Unlike any other relationships you may have had, there will be no game playing or hidden agendas, only truth...

There is something about the passion you share with a soul mate that goes so far beyond just the physical body.

For a moment in time you two are the only ones who exist in the universe.

Hearts beating in rhythm as your souls have intertwined themselves becoming one.

Your spiritual energies meld and you feel the flame of creation move through you like a wave of the ocean on a hot summer's day.

Soon you begin to lose track of where you begin and your partner ends...

From within the depths of your exquisitely passionate union, your soul mate will know exactly how and where to touch you.

It will be different, more intense, and more gratifying than any lover from your past...

And more electrifying than anything you have ever imagined...

They will look into your eyes and you will feel your soul open wide.

For some people, there is the "rush".

All the love, all the lust, and all the need will surge forth from your soul like captives from a cage.

At this moment you will know what it means to get lost within someone's eyes.

You will experience a realization you have never felt before and your desire and passion will rise to new levels.

But in the end, as you lay there, as the warm after, glow begins to fade,you will realize what just happened was not merely sex.

Sex pales in comparison to what you have just experienced...

To put it simply, your soul mate will be able to make love to you in ways no one else will ever be able to match...

- Author Unknown

Starts with Good-bye

I know we appear to be on the "good-bye" theme at the moment so I thought I would continue with a fabulous song that I heard from Carrie Underwood called Starts with Good-bye. The song's lyrics say it perfectly of how we should handle our good-byes. I think whether we are parents sending our child off to college, a family about to move out of town saying goodbye to those they have had in our lives for a long time, the death of a loved one or as the song speaks about, saying good-bye to someone we loved in a relationship that we can no longer stay in...She speaks of the many reasons we stay in something too long, because we know it's going to hurt. She says it beautifully that if you know going into it that it's okay to hurt, to cry, to let them go even though you love them, to break down, but then as you are feeling all these things also know that this is the best thing you can do for your life, there is another side and that it has to start by saying good bye to where you are. Here are her words...enjoy...

"...I was sitting on my doorstep, I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand, but I knew I had to do it and you wouldn't understand. So hard to see myself without him, I felt a piece of my heart break, but when you are standing at a crossroad, there's a choice you gotta make....i guess its going to have to hurt, I guess I am going to have cry,and let go of some things I love to get to the other side, guess its going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
I know there's a blue horizon somewhere up ahead just waiting for me. Getting there means leaving things behind. Sometimes lifes so bitter sweet. Guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm going to have to cry, and let go of some things I love to get to the other side. I guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simple sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with good-bye.
Time heals... the wounds that you feel...somehow right now...I guess it's gonna have to hurt, guess i'm gonna have to cry, and let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side, guess it's going to break me down, I've fallen when you try to fly, it's simpler sometimes movin on with the rest of your life...starts with Good-bye.

After A While

The writing below was given to us in reply to my last Blog by "a kindred spirit" (thank you so much) and I wanted to share it with you. This is very powerful, and for those of us that have said good-bye one time or another to something or someone we would maybe have liked to keep around a bit longer...this is perfect. Accepting our defeats with our head held high and eyes looking ahead...knowing that we really can endure, we are strong and we do have worth.

Enjoy...

By Veronica A Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for some one to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Baseline Standards

"If you don't set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in life, you’ll find it's easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that's far below what you deserve.”
~ Anthony Robbins

Baseline standards. What are those in our lives? Are they the morals we were taught as children, are they the character qualities that have developed in us over the years? Are they just some line we have in the back of our minds that we promise ourselves we will never cross? Are they in addition to those items, things we fall into like negative actions or situations that happened to us that in looking back we are surprised we allowed them to happen? Whatever they are I think I can speak for all of us when I say we we have all slipped and fallen short of our baseline standards at some point if not often in our lives.

So what happens when we say we are going to be one kind of person and find ourselves pulled for one reason or another into a direction we know is wrong for us. I wish we could say that "we had no clue we were going there" but we do, don't we? I mean there is always that little voice in the back of our heads that is whispering..."hey, you do remember this is wrong for you and not right don't you?" It isn't always a huge jump across the line, most times at least for me I have found is that it is often small movements toward the line until I am standing directly on the line and then suddenly step off onto the other side. Most times I jump quickly back but there have been a few times that once across I think...well this is not so bad, I think I might be able to hang on for a while. Then days, weeks or months later I find myself looking back thinking how far I have come off my course and make my way once again back across the line.

Some times in life we allow things to happen to us because we think we have no choice but to exist this way. For example I was married for 14 years to a man who's behavior to me was something that I would never tolerate today. However back then I was not as strong as I am today and allowed it to happen to me not once but many, many times over those 14 years. When I finally was strong enough to break the cycle and walk away, I was so angry and resentful toward him, I can remember the hatred I felt. That was until I realized one day that the reason I was so angry was not because of him, I was angry at me...for it was me that allowed him to have that behavior. He would never have been able to do those things had I not allowed it. It was me that did not have the courage to do anything about it all those years. Once I realized this and that it was me I had to forgive I was able to move past that anger and resentment. It is the prime example of "baseline standard of what I would accept" and then "slipping into a quality of life far below what I deserved".

On the flip side of that maybe there are some of us out there that are acting in a way that in years to come we will look back and see they are behaviors or a quality of life far below what we thought we would be living. I'm not speaking financially, I am speaking ethically or morally. We all fall into this I am sure at some point or another, they become the "skeletons in our closet" or the "time in our life we are not too proud of".

So how do we keep from falling into the trap of allowing others to lower us below our baseline or fall ourselves below our baseline standards? I would say that's easy but in reality it isn't. It takes both courage on the side of not allowing others to pull us down and to remain above board on our behaviors. I think if you are someone that has been pulled down before like myself you might be almost hyper sensitive to the things that would pull you down again. I know in my life my intuitions and instincts have developed to a level that now in all honesty is hurting me rather than helping me. I have become so proactive in not allowing anyone to pull me in that direction again I probably have missed some moments that never would have gone that direction in the first place.

As for how we can keep ourselves from falling into those behaviors or standards far below what we deserve? Now if we are honest with ourselves...it is about having the will power, commitment, and dedication to ourselves to stay away from those temptations or moments that pull us away from our goals for our lives. It is as brutally simple yet challenging as that.

Debra

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

If you have never read the book the "Invitation" I encourage you to give it a try...here is the introduction to her book...
Enjoy...


The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the moon, "YES!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.


- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

The Awakening

This is very long but worth reading through. I wish I could give credit to whomever wrote this, but I am sad to say I do not know. If I could describe my life's growth over the past 11 years this is how I would describe what I have learned along the way and am still trying to implement in my life. Enjoy...

The Awakening
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter). And that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving championing yourself and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.


You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed: how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with; who you should marry; and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children; or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.

And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love ó romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love...and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 6 or a perfect 10. You stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...
and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch . . . and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play. You learn that for the most part, in life YOU GET WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU DESERVE . . . and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time is FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometime bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Dare to Love Completely

Dare to Love Completely
That phrase was found on the inside a Dove Chocolate wrapper and was hung on my refrigerator by my daughter Amanda a few weeks ago.

I look at it now as I sit here thinking about how my life got to this point where I am 46 years old, single, have an amazing life with a very positive outlook on that life, love men, yet cannot imagine what it would feel like to be brave enough to "Dare to love completely". For loving completely would mean risking what I said I would never risk again, my heart.

I can remember being in my teens imagining what my life would be like, dreaming of the man that would come and sweep me off my feet to live happily ever after...I think there was even a white horse in my dream if I recall.

But life does not always work out as we had planned and over time as the disappointments and crushing blows to my heart continued, I began to slowly build a wall around my heart. I can remember the moment that this wall that was slowly being built over time finally went up completely. "No one will ever break my heart like this again, I will survive, I will move on, and I will protect myself" and up went the wall.

How can you be an optimist in all areas of your life, encourage others to never give up and to coach them to levels they never thought existed and yet have one area of your life that is completely untouchable, uncoachable and unbreakable? Self analyzing I would have to put the reason out there as...Trust. I think if there is one thing I am guilty of is not trusting completely, therefore I cannot love completely. For love is all about trust. If I could trust someone with my heart I could then let down that wall and love them completely. But how do you learn to trust when everything in your history says "red flag" it's never worked before why this time?

Jumping in with both feet is what I do in relationships...friends use to say Debra slow down put one foot in at a time. But that is my trick, jump in with both feet while it is amazing and exciting, test the water quickly and jump back out at the first sign of trouble, less time in, less time to get hurt, quick recovery. I also have this unusual way of watching too closely things in relationships that I think most people don't realize is even happening. Most people see and hear what they want to, not what the other person is really saying and doing or for that matter what they are not saying or not doing. They will miss a comment or action because they "want" to think this person is falling in love with them. I unfortunately have trained myself to be hypersensitive to things that are not consistent as one of the ways to protect myself.

But what if things were different, what if a connection is so strong and he was running to me, pursuing me, no red flags, where would my heart be now? What if there was a man that I was connected with on both an emotional and physical level. At what point would I trust him enough to allow him close enough to break my heart? I told a friend once that the next time I would lose my heart the man would have to be totally and utterly in love with me before I could ever trust my heart to love completely again, and I still think that is still true, but how does that work? What man out there would love a woman completely that is hesitant to love him back? None that I know for it is normally the women that fall first.

I will need to find a way however to "Dare to Love Completely"...for I believe that one day I will find someone, that I have a soul mate out there, someone that is me in male form, someone with whom I will be able to put my trust and heart into their hands completely who will be running to me and love me enough and I in turn know I can love completely that person. My challenge is that to then love them completely I will have to risk getting hurt again, something I had promised on that deck almost 5 years ago that I would never allow to happen again.

In closing, as the days go by and that candy wrapper continues to hang there starring at me, almost yelling at me to "let go Debra, dare to love completely" my goal is one day to be able to say to Amanda "You can take this down now, I learned how to love completely this man standing here in front of you. I'd like to introduce you to..."